Why? - Jessie T. Wolf
Why is it that, no matter how hard Tim and I work to reach a goal, we never seem to get there? Seriously? We plan, we save... we play by the rules, we're careful and thoughtful, and we do REALLY well for a while, and are always doing our damnest to keep it all together through all of the SHIT we have to deal with...
And we start to think that we're finally headed in the right direction, and finally about to get rewarded for our hard efforts...
Almost there... Can... almost... touch it.........
And then, BAM! NOPE! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT, BEE-ATCH!!!
Gods I am so damn sick of the universe being an asshole to us. I wish it would just make up its damn MIND already, and stop putting us so damn close to reaching something that we want/need... and then either making it almost utterly impossible for us to deal with, if not just taking it away all together at the last minute, and leaving us hanging high and dry.
Lately every time something is finally starting to look good, it somehow goes horribly wrong. What the hell can we trust anymore??
I can't wait until we move out of England in May. We have no idea where the hell we're going to live at the moment. First it's going back to BC... then it's looking like we'll be moving back to Ontario... now it's looking like we may end up in the U.S., with Tim's folks, because we can't get a house in Canada, because Tim doesn't file his taxes in Canada because he only recently got his Canadian Permanent Residence status, and we can't find a place to rent that will allow us to keep the dogs.
We don't have any more guaranteed work after this gig here in England is over, and so we have to save up as much as we can before we leave, because that's what we'll be living off of for the next 6 months to one year.
We should be doing our OWN project by down, dammit! It is so long overdue!
Universe, PLEASE stop teasing and torturing us!!! We are genuinely sincere people, who work hard for what we have! How much more do we have to prove of ourselves?? Please cut us some slack, already! O___x
Current Mood: depressed
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 02:56 pm (UTC)|| |
Thank you, Kurt!! *hugs*
That sucks. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.
It really sucks to not know where your going or how your going to get there.
I hope things get better for you guys.
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 02:57 pm (UTC)|| |
Yar. :/ I hope that we will eventually be able to attend Anthrocon again in the future. I miss seeing ya! *hugs*
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:02 pm (UTC)|| |
Well actually, we are less concerned with finding more work, and more concerned with where we are going to live, in the next two months. :/
The whole point of us trying to find a place to settle is so that we can work from home on our own film project, and NOT have to work for any other studios. Right now, we have enough money saved up to be able to live for about a year, and not have to work for an outside studio (we can pick up the occasional freelance gig, and still work remotely, if we need to).
But, if we have to put down 15% for a down-payment on a house, now... that'll basically be all of our savings... meaning that once we get back to North America, we'll HAVE to find a job, ASAP, with another studio, and therefore we won't have the time to work on our own stuff. This is the dilemma. :/
Hmmmm... well... I might be able to help with that, my mom recently got in contact with someone who's been in "the biz", I mean, I don't know how well she might help but she might be able to offer some leads.
She's an actor who plays Mrs. Santos in Degrassi The Next Generation, I can maybe put you in touch with her and at least get networked. She's interested in doing voice-acting for animations and stuff.
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:10 pm (UTC)|| |
Awww... thanks Rap. But really, it's not finding work that we are worried about. It's where we are going to be living, in 2 month's time. :/
Are you on Linked-In at all? You should do a search for it... Tim's getting people adding him to that and you can make recommendations for other people. It's like Facebook for people in the Biz, so we already have networking going on.
The problem is that, you know we want to get working on Kaze, NOT working for another studio again. And right now we have enough saved up to be able to buy an inexpensive place and work at home full-time on the film (maybe we might take on a freelance gig here and there, but still work from home).
But now with the mortgage people all of a sudden telling us that we may have to put down a 15% down payment, instead of the 5% we were originally told (and that's what we planned for) we may not be able to afford to buy a place in Canada now. So it's looking like we may end up moving to Michigan, for 2 years, until our film is done. :/
I just don't like the stress of not knowing where we're going to be or what we're going to be doing, that's all.
That seriously sucks.
(Though I hate to say it, that sort of bullshit has been happening to me my whole life...)
I'm sorry Jess'. :(
|Date:||March 13th, 2008 08:36 am (UTC)|| |
That's the thing though... this kind of bullshit happens to good people, all of the damn time. Honestly, things have been crazy for us since I moved out to BC to begin with. I just don't bitch about it on a regular basis, because I'm always trying to be all optimistic and shit. :/ I'm like, "Everything is fine! We'll be fine... things will shape up..." But when enough stupid shit happens to you, that brings your life to an almost grinding halt, that optimism starts to crack just a bit.
I should be setting a better example. :/ But I just had to bitch about what we found out last night, in regards to buying a house. We thought we did our research, and we've been pre-approved by two mortgage companies already. But yesterday we found out that, no we can't actually get pre-approved, because Tim has no taxes filed in Canada, to prove his income. He has proof that he files in the U.S. but apparently that's not good enough. And as a result, if we want to buy a house in Canada, we would have to put down a 15% down payment, but we only budgeted for 5% because that's what we were told to put down originally.
Right at the fucking last minute, this stuff just comes out and slaps us both. There is no way we can afford to put down a $45,000 down payment... so we can't buy a house in Canada, and can't find a place to rent (I've been looking) that will let us keep all of the dogs. So it's looking like we may have to live in the U.S. for the two years it will take us to get Kaze done, because we can get a place inexpensively there, and actually be able to live off of our savings for a year or so.
I know ultimately we will be okay... finding freelance work shouldn't be a problem for us. I'm just sick of the constant struggle... and change after change, going in one direction, and then suddenly having to swerve in another, in an instant. I hate the constant moving around. I want to actually sit still in ONE place for a while! I want to KNOW what the fuck we are doing, and where we are headed. I'm getting tired of this instability. I want a routine that I know again, and to be in a place that's familiar to me!
I'm just venting right now. I know that things could be much worse, and I know that we will get past this as well, but it still frustrates the hell outta me. :/
|Date:||March 13th, 2008 02:15 am (UTC)|| |
The universe is never fair. But it has all the malicious nature of a rock. Still sucks when it gets thrown though. :(
Endure, survive, and take advantage of the next good situation that comes along. Your friends and loved ones will help you along until then. *hugs*
Well our apartment sure isnt large, but I'm honestly ready to offer you guys the ability to crash here a few months if it'd help. Seriously, what can be done? Couldn't we... like... sponsor you guys or something? Ugh, I'm just confused here and I really do want you to know myself and jaxx will help in any way we can. Up to and including the use of our living room. May not be much, but I offer what I can.
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:21 pm (UTC)|| |
Awww... thanks, 'Cent. Thank you very much for the offer. I dunno, we'll see how things go.
Right now though, if it's looking like we have to make a 15% down payment on a house, we won't be able to afford it. I hate that bullshit of, "Oh... well Tim doesn't file his taxes in Canada... so you can't get pre-approved for a mortgage, because you have no proof of your income in Canada." I seriously do NOT see why it should make a difference whether Tim shows them his U.S. tax returns, or Canadian tax returns. Proof of income is proof of income, isn't it?? We have TONS of proof of income, in the forms of U.S. (and my 2006 Canadian) tax returns, pay stubs for nearly all of the jobs we've done since 2006, our corporation's invoices, and even letters of employment stating the salaries that we're making here in England. We're paying the equivalent of $2,300/month for rent here, we have EXCELLENT credit histories... and the Lenders are saying we don't have proof of income to be able to qualify for buying a house in Canada. >:(
If we can't get this stuff sorted out before we leave here in mid-May, it's looking like we may have to live in Michigan, near Tim's parent's place, for the next two years, until Kaze is finished being made. :/ We are RIGHT NOW fully into pre-production, and one way or the other, we are getting this film done.
*hugs and thanks you for your support!*
You have our sympathies!! If you ever wanna talk call or email. If nothing else I can offer a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on. We miss you!
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:26 pm (UTC)|| |
Thank you, Scribble! We will figure something out... even if it means we end up in Michigan for a little while. We will be in Vancouver for a short while, from May 15th to the 19th or so. We need to get some work done on the car, before we drive it to Ontario to see my mom, before we head off to... wherever we end up! O__o If you'd like, we can arrange to get together and hang out for an afternoon, before we leave?
Let me know what type of work Tim might be interested in and I'll keep my ear to the ground out here. I've been strumming the game industry lines myself in search of a summer job so might have some leads.
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:33 pm (UTC)|| |
Thank you Pat! Though we're not so much worried about work, at the moment (we have enough in savings to be able to live for about a year, without needing to work for an outside studio).
We are more concerned with where we will be living, in 2 month's time. :/ We only budgeted for a 5% down payment on a house, (which is what we were originally told would be acceptable) but now we are suddenly being told otherwise, because Tim doesn't file his taxes in Canada. They are now saying if we want to buy a house in Canada, we will have to put down 15%, which we can't afford without sucking up all of our savings (at which point we would then HAVE to find other work ASAP, but then we wouldn't be able to work full-time on Kaze).
We're still trying to see if there is a way to make things work, but if we can't, we may end up moving to Michigan for about two years, until our film is finished being made.
How has life in BC been treating you, anyway??
Its life. Get used to it. :/
|Date:||March 13th, 2008 07:38 pm (UTC)|| |
Well that's real optimistic! O___o
I find at times like this the universe is testing to see how optimistic you can be. If you stick with it something will work out and you'll find that you are being taken care of.
|Date:||March 13th, 2008 07:55 pm (UTC)|| |
I know... I really do believe that as well. And to be quite honest, even with how things have been going here in England, (really not good, for the most part... our boss it like a fat Hitler, and today they just fired the entire Concept department!!) we are still learning some very valuable management skills, that will prepare us for when we are running our own studio. Basically this place has shown us what NOT to do, when running a studio environment, and we've also met a lot of talented artists here, who are as fed up with this job as we are, who may be interested in helping us out with our film.
We will stick through it, as always. Yesterday was just REALLY challenging, and we now need to start making new plans. -___-
Thank you for the kind words, Aura. :)
Man... I seriously can't think of anybody who got kicked in the balls by fate more often than the both of you. It just never stops. I can't believe it. It's so unfair... I had hoped things would become better in Britain, but than the company proofed to be worth crap and now that...
I am so sorry. If there was any god I believed in I'd pray that you two finally get out of that damn circle. :/
All I can do is wish you all the luck in finding a place for you and the pack and that there will be a chance to finish Kaze and make it become a great success!
Feel hugged? Although it probably doesn't make it a dime less worse... -_-
|Date:||March 15th, 2008 03:35 pm (UTC)|| |
*HUGS!* Thank you very much! I know that we will get out of this okay in the end... it's just always the constant struggle that we're both getting very tired of. :/ But if we get a place in Canada, or head back to Michigan, we WILL get a house, and get the pack back, and STILL come to EF this year!! :)