Jessie T. Wolf (wlfdog) wrote,
Jessie T. Wolf

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Taking A Look Back - Part 2

Part 2

Continued from last night, my thoughts and musings on past relationships. Going over the good and the bad things that have happened over the years, learning from past mistakes, and realizing that without the bad things that have happened I would not be where I am today. These 6-part postings are to make the point that even through the toughest situations, when you feel like giving up the most, there is always a shining light at the end of the gloomy tunnel, if you just let yourself believe in it.

Again, this is not meant to slander anyone’s reputation or hurt anyone’s feelings, as I’ve experienced some very beautiful things with all of these people. So if you do read these, please don’t go ganging up on any of the folks I mention here. These are just my own personal thoughts and feelings that I felt the need to share, as they've been a lot of personal baggage weighing me down for a good while, that I don't want to continue to keep all bottled up and carry around anymore.


Gabriel – I was eighteen, turning nineteen when I met Gabe, through another school friend of mine, DeAnna. She frequently attended a LARP game call NERO, and had some friends who would come to visit from the U.S. to play. Gabe played a Fox character called Dusty, and he sure _was_ a foxy little guy, too. ;) Small like me, really cute, fun and silly. He had big plans for his future, too. His dad’s a Chicago police officer, and Gabe had plans at the time to follow in his father’s footsteps.

Things quickly got very intense between the two of us. We spent a lot of time talking online, and when we could we would visit each other and met up at conventions. I got very used to the twelve-hour long bus rides to Chicago. It almost became like a second home for me, except for the fact that for some reason Gabe’s mom was never all that fond of me, and I still don’t really know the reason for it to this day… O.x

Gabe was also my first sexual experience, which I still do not regret to this day. As first times go, it was a really fun, casual and friendly exploring type of experience, and what actually did start off as a friends-with-benefits type of relationship between the two of us eventually developed into something a bit more serious. We were best friends, and crazy about each other, and had a ton of fun hanging out and just enjoying each other’s company.

And then along came Kota, a long time past crush of Gabe’s, but he never had the chance to ask her out because she had a creep of a boyfriend at the time. She was the tall, pretty, blonde, Sorority type of girl. She was also a NERO player, who played a Cheetah, and so he played with her in-game quite frequently. I was aware of his crush on her, but wasn’t too worried, as he’s had crushes on fellow NERO players before, namely one player, Wendy, who played a Vixen character to match Gabe’s Fox character (they were Partners in-game for a while). But Wendy was married and had kids, so that wasn’t a threat, just as Kota had a boyfriend. So I wasn’t worried.

Until I found out that Kota had finally dumped her boy, and started getting a bit too cozy in-game with Gabe. I got a bit distressed when he started acting weird with me, and found out much later that Kota had been trying to seduce him while he and I were still dating. After having a long talk with him about the situation, and knowing that he had liked her for years before I came along, and the fact that she lived a hell of a lot closer to him, I decided to back off and give him the choice to date her instead.

Gabe tried his best to assure me that he and Kota would probably not get serious, and that they’d probably just stay close friends, but we agreed to put our relationship on “hold” for a bit nevertheless, and try dating other people for a while. The end result was more like he dated Kota, and I went back to being single for about another year.

Though Gabe and I did maintain a good friendship. I’ve always been one to feel that if a friendship can be salvaged from a past relationship, then it’s a positive thing. After all, we were good friends to start off with, and why should that mean less now, just because we weren’t “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” anymore?

So we stayed in touch. Gabe and Kota moved in together, and about four and a half years into their relationship, they actually got married, which I will admit surprised the hell out of me since Gabe had always talked about how he never ever wanted to be “tied down” by marriage. O.o And I thought, well damn! I will admit that I honestly didn’t think that the two of them would last, but I was genuinely happy when I heard the news.

And then the tables suddenly turned. Six months after their marriage, (despite the fact that she was having doubts about the relationship _before_ their marriage…) Kota fell for another _married_ dude who she met in-game, who was also supposed to be a friend of Gabe’s. She ditched him, they’ve filed for a divorce, and Gabe’s moved back to Chicago with his family. When he told me, I felt really badly for him, but honestly never really trusted Kota all that much to begin with. He told me he often wondered what things would be like now if he and I had never broken up, and said he regretted his decision to leave me for Kota. Sometimes I wonder what things would be like too… but I don’t go back once I’ve been let go.

Gabe and I are still good friends to this day. I talked with him tonight, actually, for the first time since MFF. We had a bit of an argument back in November… which lead to us not talking for a few months. He and I have always both been very stubborn that way. But it was good to finally talk with him again, and we still sometimes ponder over past mistakes. But it’s true how that saying goes, you know? Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I know he’s still hurting a lot over his past relationship mistakes. But I also know that he’s a tough little guy, who will find a way to move on to brighter things. He’s started writing and playing the guitar again, which is already a good step up! Keep it up, Foxy. You’ll find your way again. :)
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