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Not really "Officially" back, but... - Jessie T. Wolf Page 3
October 2nd, 2005
04:56 am

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Not really "Officially" back, but...
I just had to say something. As long as there is a LJ community, and people will read shit, might as well get it all in the open, right? I mean hell, it's going to get around ANYWAY, eventually, so why hold back my feelings on the matter?

I'm very disappointed. Extremely. It's not like I haven't already lost enough faith in the Human Race, but then to see friends turn around and turn into flakes really just turns my opinion of people off that much more.

I just got off the fucking phone with you, man... we were happy, and we made each other laugh.... just like we always do. And chalk it up to our relationship being the fact that we can be pissed off and yelling at each other one minute, but know we still love each other to death when it all boils down to it... I don't know. Maybe after reading this, you may be so upset with me that you never want to talk to me again. I already felt like I lost you once, and maybe I'll just seal the deal now, but I have to say what's on my mind, just as YOU apparently had to say what was on yours in your own Live Journal, instead of being courteous enough to just keep private shit to yourself.

You say you don't want sympathy? Not what it looks like to me. If that was the case, and if it were not just a cry for attention, then you could have kept your entry short and sweet. You didn't NEED to go into more detail, especially since we JUST fucking talked about how LJ readers will tend to "gang up" on other people in what they think to be is a defense of that person who's "hurting so very badly."

You just turned someone into public enemy number one, when people don't even know that there's a total other side to the story. Your interpretations are your interpretations... but there are two fucking sides to the coin. _2_SIDES! Things are not always black and white!

You talk about how much your heart was ripped out, and how that person you were SO in love with, and who was apparently so in love with you, turned around... found someone else – leaving you for someone "better," breaking your heart? Funny... that sounds so very familiar. It's not like YOU didn't do that to ME once, too. I remember being that one who was supposed to wear that fucking wedding band. But YOU found someone else... better... that you decided you had to be with. No hard feelings. We could still be friends. And we were. Better than JUST really good friends. GREAT friends… you told me I knew you better than anyone. I LOVED being that special person to you! And I was still there for you, even when you decided you didn’t want me as a mate anymore…*bites her lip* I stayed a loyal, loving companion to you… I was there for you for EVERYTHING! And as much as you say it’s different… it really isn’t. “I never left you,” you say… “We’ve always stayed close.” It’s not the same thing! *tears* How can you just take away that importance… of what we COULD have been, if YOU hadn’t decided you needed to be with someone else? :*( Of course NOW you regret ever leaving me to begin with…

Fuck... You're not the only victim here... The Universe did not drop this shit into your lap. YOU made that decision a good while back, and now you’re laying in the bed you helped to create for yourself. And I REALLY can't believe that you would go and post something like that... shit that should be personal to you... the public doesn't NEED to know details. This puts me in an awkward position as well... since I'm caught in the middle of two people I really care a lot about, but obviously you still meant a WHOLE fucking lot more to me, since I knew you so very well... or so I thought I did.

*tears* Fuck... why...? THIS shit right here... it's stuff like this that makes me want to just sit still. Makes me want to curl up into myself, and hide, and not show ANYONE else even the slightest bit of love and emotion. Why did I read your LJ... especially after saying that I needed a break from this Fandom... and the drama...? Yes, you are SUCH a victim. It's all about you. What about ME??? YES I'm being selfish, but you make it seem like you're the ONLY one that this shit ever happened to!!! You forget that you DID do the SAME thing to me, and I will KEEP ON REMINDING YOU OF THAT, the next time you pull shit like what you did again! >.<

I'm not saying that what he did to you was right at all... it could have all been handled differently... and the fact that I still feel like I'm responsible doesn't help at all. But dammit, do NOT make yourself out to look like you were the ONLY one who was used. And don't make HIM be this awful, horrible bad guy who purposefully ripped your guts out, because you fucking well know that wasn't the case! I know you're hurt and upset by what happened, but for being "over" it and moving on with your life, as you say you are, you certainly didn't have to make a fucking point of letting EVERYONE, on a public LJ entry of all things, know just what an apparent ass he was to you, so that everyone else can go and gang up on him now. That's just fucking petty, and immature, and I honestly thought that you were a lot better than that! :(

Talk about not having any fucking tact?

EVERYONE feels like they’re going to die when their wonderful relationship just goes down the shitter! You hurt for a while, and then you get over it with time. I hurt… I hurt a lot… but you know what? I STILL LOVE YOU!!! Goodness knows why, but I do! You can be such an ASS at times, but I love you anyway! Even when you’ve hurt me in the past. I still love you. *cries*


Fuck love, and fuck all of this SHIT. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't care if you get pissed off at me. I'm just saying what I feel. You had to do it on your LJ, so I'M doing it on MINE too!

Current Mood: sad

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[User Picture]
From:tanidareal
Date:October 11th, 2005 08:28 am (UTC)
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Let me send you a big hug. I hope very much that you find a way to find relief from that pain. There's someone you mean very much to.
I wish you the best!
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