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Not really "Officially" back, but... - Not really "Officially" back, but... - Jessie T. Wolf Page 2
October 2nd, 2005
04:56 am


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Not really "Officially" back, but...
I just had to say something. As long as there is a LJ community, and people will read shit, might as well get it all in the open, right? I mean hell, it's going to get around ANYWAY, eventually, so why hold back my feelings on the matter?

I'm very disappointed. Extremely. It's not like I haven't already lost enough faith in the Human Race, but then to see friends turn around and turn into flakes really just turns my opinion of people off that much more.

I just got off the fucking phone with you, man... we were happy, and we made each other laugh.... just like we always do. And chalk it up to our relationship being the fact that we can be pissed off and yelling at each other one minute, but know we still love each other to death when it all boils down to it... I don't know. Maybe after reading this, you may be so upset with me that you never want to talk to me again. I already felt like I lost you once, and maybe I'll just seal the deal now, but I have to say what's on my mind, just as YOU apparently had to say what was on yours in your own Live Journal, instead of being courteous enough to just keep private shit to yourself.

You say you don't want sympathy? Not what it looks like to me. If that was the case, and if it were not just a cry for attention, then you could have kept your entry short and sweet. You didn't NEED to go into more detail, especially since we JUST fucking talked about how LJ readers will tend to "gang up" on other people in what they think to be is a defense of that person who's "hurting so very badly."

You just turned someone into public enemy number one, when people don't even know that there's a total other side to the story. Your interpretations are your interpretations... but there are two fucking sides to the coin. _2_SIDES! Things are not always black and white!

You talk about how much your heart was ripped out, and how that person you were SO in love with, and who was apparently so in love with you, turned around... found someone else – leaving you for someone "better," breaking your heart? Funny... that sounds so very familiar. It's not like YOU didn't do that to ME once, too. I remember being that one who was supposed to wear that fucking wedding band. But YOU found someone else... better... that you decided you had to be with. No hard feelings. We could still be friends. And we were. Better than JUST really good friends. GREAT friends… you told me I knew you better than anyone. I LOVED being that special person to you! And I was still there for you, even when you decided you didn’t want me as a mate anymore…*bites her lip* I stayed a loyal, loving companion to you… I was there for you for EVERYTHING! And as much as you say it’s different… it really isn’t. “I never left you,” you say… “We’ve always stayed close.” It’s not the same thing! *tears* How can you just take away that importance… of what we COULD have been, if YOU hadn’t decided you needed to be with someone else? :*( Of course NOW you regret ever leaving me to begin with…

Fuck... You're not the only victim here... The Universe did not drop this shit into your lap. YOU made that decision a good while back, and now you’re laying in the bed you helped to create for yourself. And I REALLY can't believe that you would go and post something like that... shit that should be personal to you... the public doesn't NEED to know details. This puts me in an awkward position as well... since I'm caught in the middle of two people I really care a lot about, but obviously you still meant a WHOLE fucking lot more to me, since I knew you so very well... or so I thought I did.

*tears* Fuck... why...? THIS shit right here... it's stuff like this that makes me want to just sit still. Makes me want to curl up into myself, and hide, and not show ANYONE else even the slightest bit of love and emotion. Why did I read your LJ... especially after saying that I needed a break from this Fandom... and the drama...? Yes, you are SUCH a victim. It's all about you. What about ME??? YES I'm being selfish, but you make it seem like you're the ONLY one that this shit ever happened to!!! You forget that you DID do the SAME thing to me, and I will KEEP ON REMINDING YOU OF THAT, the next time you pull shit like what you did again! >.<

I'm not saying that what he did to you was right at all... it could have all been handled differently... and the fact that I still feel like I'm responsible doesn't help at all. But dammit, do NOT make yourself out to look like you were the ONLY one who was used. And don't make HIM be this awful, horrible bad guy who purposefully ripped your guts out, because you fucking well know that wasn't the case! I know you're hurt and upset by what happened, but for being "over" it and moving on with your life, as you say you are, you certainly didn't have to make a fucking point of letting EVERYONE, on a public LJ entry of all things, know just what an apparent ass he was to you, so that everyone else can go and gang up on him now. That's just fucking petty, and immature, and I honestly thought that you were a lot better than that! :(

Talk about not having any fucking tact?

EVERYONE feels like they’re going to die when their wonderful relationship just goes down the shitter! You hurt for a while, and then you get over it with time. I hurt… I hurt a lot… but you know what? I STILL LOVE YOU!!! Goodness knows why, but I do! You can be such an ASS at times, but I love you anyway! Even when you’ve hurt me in the past. I still love you. *cries*

Fuck love, and fuck all of this SHIT. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't care if you get pissed off at me. I'm just saying what I feel. You had to do it on your LJ, so I'M doing it on MINE too!

Current Mood: sad

(47 comments | Leave a comment)

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[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2005 05:57 pm (UTC)
I had a feeling this would sort of linger with him. He's going to lash out in times of frustration and I think the best thing might just be to pull away from a while. There's a benefit to it sometimes, and it speeds the healing, even if it sounds kind of cold.

I think I remember saying it would probably be a roller coaster for a while. It sucks I know, but keep your head about you through it all and focus on your priorities. Let him get over it with time, find his life without you, and maybe come back a healthier person.
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
Hang in there hun,... long messy break-ups are never a good thing,....

love hurts,.. but hold true to yourself and it will only make you stronger,...
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2005 06:51 pm (UTC)
*offers a fluffy tail to hide in and an ear to tatter*
[User Picture]
Date:October 2nd, 2005 06:55 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry hon! *Huggles* There's no worse feeling in the world than loving and not being reciprocated. You have great strength of character and you're a loving and caring person. One day you'll look back and it won't hurt quite as much. I don't pretend to know what happened and I don't know what your feelings are - now or will be in the near future. But I can assure you that you're a really lovely person and no one can take that from you. Take comfort in this fact. All else is incidental.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 06:09 am (UTC)
*snugs* Dun worry too much... I really needed to get this all out. I actually feel better in a lot of ways... but kinda bad, because I am expecting some pretty bad reprocussions from this sometime soon... >.< *ears flatten and huggles*
Date:October 2nd, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
I hate to see you upset, fuzzbutt. I think I know who you're talking about, though I won't comment on that.

You've got some friends who care though, me bein' one of 'em. Better'n a poke in the eye, aint it! RAWR!

*nuzz* feel better ok?

[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 06:11 am (UTC)
You always seem to see me when I'm upset, don't you? ;)

And I'd rather have a poke in the eye that be dealing with any of this stuff right now. O.x I just really hope it all blows over soon. >.< I've been getting bad headaches a LOT more than I care for, lately. :/

[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 02:28 am (UTC)
Heya Jess, remember, you can call me, too if'n you want. I'm still around. Just send me an email at donkeysho@gmail.com. *hugs*
[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 06:12 am (UTC)
*hugshugs* Good to see ya still around, bunneh. :} Haven't seen you, or Alpha in a while. ^^
[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
Yeah, I've dropped off the radar for a while, but I'm back now, preferable for good. ^.^ And yesh, I've still got the pics from our fateful trade. ^.^ I show them off to everyone I meet. ^.^

Call me sometime, hun. I've missed you. Email me for the number. ^.^

And speaking of Alpha, I just got off the phone with him about 15 mniutes ago. He's doing fine, and I'm hoping he's coming to FWA this year, as I hope you are also. ^.^
[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
*hugs tightly* Please know that you're very much in my thoughts, and I can very much sympathize with all that you are going through right now. I'm always here to talk, email or phone, any time you may wish to.

You'll get through all of this - it just takes time, and can't be hurried along, as much as you wish that it could be. It seems that life has not been terribly kind to many of us lately. :
[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 02:18 pm (UTC)
I haven't the time at the moment to read all the comments, but I did read the post and I know exactly who what why and where... essentially. And I agree with you.

This is why:
1) My reply to him was about moving on, not about bashing the other person. I know there's two sides and since I can't exactly hear the other persons, I'll hear the one's and offer a hand (not that it would be taken, but hey, I offered) and just be an ear.
2) When I went through my own shit a few years back during the break up with my ex, sure, I posted on my journal. Sure, I called him every name f ass I could. But I also tried to disclaimer it by saying, hey, I'm an emotional wreck right now, not everything I say is completely sane.

Anyways, I'm dashing off to work before I'm late. I love ya sweetie, and I know how you feel. With my journal.. no one really reads it. With people like that who get 60 coments within the hour.. they should know to be aware of what they post because it -will- get read.
Date:October 3rd, 2005 04:42 pm (UTC)
Hi Jessie. If you want someone to punch around, or just have a drink with, let me know? ^^

[User Picture]
Date:October 3rd, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
Girl, I remember a conversation we had about this when we crossed paths last. I still believe that fear is very much a part of this equation. However, now isn't that time. Now is the time rant and rave and hate and shake your fist about and cry. And I do cry with you, because I do care about you and your happiness.

And, the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. You can hate and love at the same time as well as laugh and cry. Its evil how we can be torn assundered from the inside.

I'm ashamed I wasn't aware and was reachable when this came to a point of revolation. I wish I could have been there for you. and I still offer any help, any healing that I can do for you. I will try my best.

I offer my part into the shared hug that people offer when the tears come. Jessie, I am sorry you hurt.
[User Picture]
Date:October 4th, 2005 04:28 am (UTC)

*hugs tight*

Not a lot of fun, whichever way it goes, being stuck between two people you care about, ESPECIALLY when it's breakup-oriented. Been there, burned the t-shirt, wish I could help out somehow, Jessie. I know I don't know you that well (having met you just that once this past AC at the deaddog - and me being too tipsy to stay, demmit), but I can empathize with the feeling and offer what support and good thoughts I can.

Take care, and take some time out for you. You deserve it.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2005 03:45 am (UTC)
I'm sorry and sad for you. Healing, helping and supportive candle glowing thoughts your way for your injured heart.
Date:October 8th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
Late agian. f*ck
Feel better. You have to..
I can feel your love and hate a long round. I know it worthless to help you feel better, but...
cry because you're human,
so is he,
but you're better than him.

In the long run, fly to freedom, the white feathers drifting.
Beyond a canyon with a field and wheat dotted farms, a entire world bows down to your love and compassion.
Because you are beyond the stars.

A friend said before that there's bad people in the world and there's nothing you can do to change this.
Don't believe him. Never.
You are changing the world, and you are beautiful in this world.

Be happy that you've met the soul and done well enough to still love him even after the hate, because there's nothing more amazing than a statue with a cracked smile that still beams glittering love and creasted pink light.
*looks up*
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