Jessie T. Wolf (wlfdog) wrote,
Jessie T. Wolf

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This past month has been a very… different one for me. Very enlightening… very self-changing. Well… no, not really self-changing. More, it’s helped me to find myself again. It’s reminded me of just who and what I really am. And… I really do appreciate it. And to all of those people in my life who know just what I mean… I’m not going to go into any great details… but I thank you for your support, love, and understanding. It means a lot to me.

So then… onward to my entry for the morning. I’ve found that lately I’ve been noticing things about myself that I haven’t stopped to really think about, and appreciate. Things I’ve always known about myself… yeah… but things that I may have often times taken for granted. They say it’s the little things that make the hugest impressions, and it’s very true, in a big way.

Take my love for music. I may not know every name of every band out there, or every title of every song. But I do know what I like, and I really get into music. Every note, every harmony, they all stand out to me… and each note is a different word, building and blending to create and tell a very strong and specific story.

I remember how Blue and I would watch those crazy American Idol shows and listen to each person sing their song. I know that not everyone is perfect at singing, but a broken note makes me cringe, as if someone just shot a pistol right beside my ear. O.x I can pick out the slightest off-key note, and it nearly breaks me because it’s like breaking the translation of music. I don’t know why I react that way…

Maybe it’s the wolf mentality. When I listen to music, especially in a lot of really strong instrumentals, the lupine ears twitch, and my mental voice switches on. There are quite a few songs out there… very personal to me… that inspire so much passion and intensity… it makes the wolf in me want to howl out and sing along in that same heartfelt passion… And lately, that inner voice has been urging to come out a lot more…

Music is very important.

When I was younger, I was always too shy to sing. I was afraid, I guess, to let my song be heard. Maybe I was afraid that I would break my own notes… But I’ve always loved to sing. In fact, I remember when I finally joined the choir back in my grade school, so that I could sing without having to worry about being singled out. Even still, I will sing to myself, when there is no one else around…

But lately… I’ve been feeling the need to sing with others again. A lot more these days, I find that my wolf mind is always howling now. And after straining for years to hear a response… I’m finally hearing one. Only this time, instead of being afraid to sing for the fear of breaking my note, I feel that I will now be able to reach that high, impossible note… and hold it.

Every wolf has its own soulful song that is unique and magical. I do believe… that I have finally found my song. And I don’t ever want to lose it again.

And on a totally different note, (but just as important!!) congratulations, nalakd and betamantis on the birth of little Alex!! ^^ *howls out a song of joy and well-wishings to the new parents, wags and wiggles all around!* Thank you very much for the photos! :) I’m so very happy for you three! *hugs!*
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