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Jessie T. Wolf
August 3rd, 2005
03:25 am


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This past month has been a very… different one for me. Very enlightening… very self-changing. Well… no, not really self-changing. More, it’s helped me to find myself again. It’s reminded me of just who and what I really am. And… I really do appreciate it. And to all of those people in my life who know just what I mean… I’m not going to go into any great details… but I thank you for your support, love, and understanding. It means a lot to me.

So then… onward to my entry for the morning. I’ve found that lately I’ve been noticing things about myself that I haven’t stopped to really think about, and appreciate. Things I’ve always known about myself… yeah… but things that I may have often times taken for granted. They say it’s the little things that make the hugest impressions, and it’s very true, in a big way.

Take my love for music. I may not know every name of every band out there, or every title of every song. But I do know what I like, and I really get into music. Every note, every harmony, they all stand out to me… and each note is a different word, building and blending to create and tell a very strong and specific story.

I remember how Blue and I would watch those crazy American Idol shows and listen to each person sing their song. I know that not everyone is perfect at singing, but a broken note makes me cringe, as if someone just shot a pistol right beside my ear. O.x I can pick out the slightest off-key note, and it nearly breaks me because it’s like breaking the translation of music. I don’t know why I react that way…

Maybe it’s the wolf mentality. When I listen to music, especially in a lot of really strong instrumentals, the lupine ears twitch, and my mental voice switches on. There are quite a few songs out there… very personal to me… that inspire so much passion and intensity… it makes the wolf in me want to howl out and sing along in that same heartfelt passion… And lately, that inner voice has been urging to come out a lot more…

Music is very important.

When I was younger, I was always too shy to sing. I was afraid, I guess, to let my song be heard. Maybe I was afraid that I would break my own notes… But I’ve always loved to sing. In fact, I remember when I finally joined the choir back in my grade school, so that I could sing without having to worry about being singled out. Even still, I will sing to myself, when there is no one else around…

But lately… I’ve been feeling the need to sing with others again. A lot more these days, I find that my wolf mind is always howling now. And after straining for years to hear a response… I’m finally hearing one. Only this time, instead of being afraid to sing for the fear of breaking my note, I feel that I will now be able to reach that high, impossible note… and hold it.

Every wolf has its own soulful song that is unique and magical. I do believe… that I have finally found my song. And I don’t ever want to lose it again.

And on a totally different note, (but just as important!!) congratulations, nalakd and betamantis on the birth of little Alex!! ^^ *howls out a song of joy and well-wishings to the new parents, wags and wiggles all around!* Thank you very much for the photos! :) I’m so very happy for you three! *hugs!*

Current Mood: contentcontent
Current Music: All Kinds

(16 comments | Leave a comment)

[User Picture]
Date:August 3rd, 2005 07:48 am (UTC)
music can be a very spiritual thing, it touches us in ways that other forms of communication cannot, it vibrates through us and changes us. That's why raves are so popular I think, all the people dancing, the thick music pounding through the room...

that and the drugs :D

*hugs* howl all you want, your pack will hear. :)
[User Picture]
Date:August 3rd, 2005 11:26 am (UTC)
When I was younger I used to be too shy to dance, and then when I got older and started going out sometimes I would dance in a really shocking manner. But other times the planets would align or some bollocks and I'd dance flawlessly, gather a little audience, get a partner or two. Bestest feeling ever and something that I don't indulge in often enough these days. Must be getting old.

I'm sure your singing stinks though. ;P

Psst, e-mail me your telephone number again. I need someone to bug on Saturday evenings seeing as Jeebs never answers his bloody phone.
[User Picture]
Date:August 3rd, 2005 02:19 pm (UTC)
Maybe sing with 2 on a song? :)
[User Picture]
Date:August 3rd, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
In the howl, there are times where you are a soloist. This is not that time any more for you. Join the choir or find the duet. Let your music intertwine.
[User Picture]
Date:August 3rd, 2005 11:30 pm (UTC)

o/` Dont worry if it's not good enough... o/`

As wolf cubs of a pack grow they start to howl and sing with their kin. Each song with their own personal tone and their own special voice. Music is a link to your spirit, straight and true. Even in the womb our first song is a mother's heartbeat, and upon leaving that song we sing out with an infant's howl. Affirmation of life!

We need to sing, to share our voices no matter how self-conscious it makes us. Though many of the singers on 'Idol' can cause cavities to your eardrums, you can see how much just singing with all they have makes them feel good. And before being verbally shredded, they have that voice to spirit.

It's not just song you speak of, I'm guessing. That voice in yourself that you keep hidden or guarded, that voice wants to sing. You have found a spiritual moment, and want to hold that dear. To make it louder(Stronger).

My advice is to never let anyone or anything quiet the Song of Maia. Even if their voices are loud and distracting, your music will be beautiful, so long as you take the time to sing.
Date:August 4th, 2005 02:49 am (UTC)
I'm an odd person with my own romantic and fantastic ideas of my true self. I don't think that any amount of soul-searching could possibly reveal him. Glad to hear you are doing well. =)

We have to get together sometime! I haven't seen ya in so long... and I estimate I could ride my bike to Kennedy in less than 20 minutes. Would be nice to visit you sometime.
[User Picture]
Date:August 4th, 2005 02:47 pm (UTC)
Whenever I've heard you sing you've never broken a note... but then again you've heard me when I've "sang"... Which is about as beautiful as watching grandma and granpa getting it on in the sack. >_<

:) Heh.. you should be proud that you're able to identify with your spirituality so accurately, not many people can say that about themselves.

Take care of yourself, and for God's sake, MESSAGE me if you see me online! :D
[User Picture]
Date:August 5th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)

horrible images stuck in my mind

Well... can't say I needed that image of granny and gramps in the sack, thats almost as bad as my seeing my parents going at it when I was 7. I've been trying so hard to have a mental block on those two images. But I doubt that your singing is that bad. But then again, I can't say mine would be any better, specially since I'm sick.
[User Picture]
Date:August 5th, 2005 08:44 pm (UTC)

Re: horrible images stuck in my mind

Awww,,, :( Well feel better, the raptor commands you! You will get better forthwith!
[User Picture]
Date:August 6th, 2005 06:16 pm (UTC)

Re: horrible images stuck in my mind

Wish it was easier done than said on getting better. I've been fighting these ailements for 2 weeks now. Somehow I think I'll be back to see the good doctor when my medication runs out. But if thee commandeths, guess I must obey, if I wish :-P (rubs a sore ear while coughing misserably and tryin to wimper). :(
[User Picture]
Date:August 7th, 2005 03:56 am (UTC)

Re: horrible images stuck in my mind

Hey I saw you on Second Life ;x)
Date:August 4th, 2005 11:36 pm (UTC)


well I got a live journal finally my name is notasiwas_blue and yea I tryed the quiz you'll see on my LJ and last..it would be nice to hear from you once in a while..
[User Picture]
Date:August 5th, 2005 01:18 am (UTC)

Re: So..yea

*HUGSHUGSHUGS!* Eeeeee!!! ^^ You got a LJ!!!

And yeah, I'm sorry I haven't been around. >.< But I never know what days you're working anymore, with you now training to be receptionist as well as Groomer now? O.o Your cell never works when I do try to call, and I haven't been on AIM at all this week, because work's been increasing my hours, like... a lot. >.<

I'm getting really frustrated and need some serious change, but I'll tell you about all that later. *hugs!* I miss you!
[User Picture]
Date:August 7th, 2005 11:17 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Jessie. I apologise for the lateness of this reply - I for one have been busy with work and larval, er baby, preparations.

I, too, have always enjoyed singing and was in my high school choir for a number of years. I wish I sang more.
[User Picture]
Date:August 18th, 2005 06:41 pm (UTC)


Music is a very powerful expression on the human body. Its a window through which most can express emotion in ways that otherwise cannot be shed.

I feel that it is rather simple. If you wish to sing, then sing you should. There is no greater journey than that of yourself and your desires, and it will probably be just as much of a challenge.

This is the first time i've ever read your LJ, but i disagree with you LJ cutting your spiritual rantings^^

I myself am much of a ranter, on more topics than just spirituality and belief. And it feels great to express ones'self, you shouldnt deny yourself that.

I had a business card from you still in my pocket from when i picked them out during anthrocon this year, and looked through your art, etc. Your a very good artist. I do hope i can get to know you more maybe.

But anywho, i think you should sing.

[User Picture]
Date:November 3rd, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)

Keep on...

I know this is a old post, but that is perfect. Music is the key to sanity, and a healthy mind. I just hope you can hit that note and stick to it!
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