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Jessie T. Wolf
June 2nd, 2005
05:23 am


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Major Psycho Headache...
Okaaay. This is going to be very long, and chalk full of drama, but ya know what? It needs to be said. One of the things I use LJ for, is naturally to vent my frustrations on shit that I have to deal with in my life, on an almost constant basis. This is not in the hopes of causing all kinds of stupid drama, but rather just a way for me to get this stuff off my chest, so that I can just forget about it and move on.

With that said, a tiny bit of background. I’ve known a dude who goes by the alias blackwingdragon for a little over a year. Yes, I’m mentioning his name. I simply DO NOT CARE about being courteous to this guy anymore! People need to realize when they’ve overstepped their boundaries, and NOT act like this guy has!

He’s had an insane crush on me for goodness knows how long, and feels he must constantly crowd and cling to me, as if he’d die without my attention or something. In the beginning, I was very tolerant with him. I give everyone a fair chance. I’m nice, courteous, and I don’t like being rude to people, who are only trying to be nice to me.

But this guy kept persisting on some kind of relationship with me, despite many interfering facts. He lives in friggin Hungary. He’s a bloody teenager who knows absolutely nothing about me, or my personal life outside of LJ, and the few short e-mails I’ve sent him in the past, when he’d write a mail to me nearly every week. I have tried to tell him nicely, many times, that I’m not interested in being anything more than a friend to him. Hell, at that point, all I ever considered him to be was a simple acquaintance.

But things started getting bad, to the point where this guy would start threatening to kill himself, because he was all depressed about my dating 2_gryphon at the time. At that point, I made an effort to try to calm him down, (don’t now WHY I even bothered) and convince him that I’m hardly a good reason to want to kill himself. After going out of my way, stopping the work I was doing to log into my AIM account, specifically to talk with him, and try to sort shit out, I get THIS crap in return, after I thought that everything was finally okay!

Before I go on, a quick explanation: As most of you probably know, fiskblack and I have recently started dating. It’s still a fresh relationship, and we’re taking our time. But I’m beginning to settle a bit more, and am finally starting to feel relaxed again, with trying out a new relationship, after the past few experiences I’ve had. It took me a while to get comfortable enough to trust someone in that way again. And I HATE it when people like this guy have to open their mouths and start stirring up shit with absolutely no cause. >.<

Recently Jay made a LJ post, just talking about the work he’s been doing in his daily life, progress with projects, talking about friends, etc. He happened to make a very brief little blurb about me.

“ wlfdog's been pretty busy with commissions lately, and I hope she gets caught up, cause I've been missing her online lately. But I know she's working hard. I know! I'm whipped! Damn!”

Just a little, “I miss Jessie,” comment. Nothing more. What followed was a string of attacks by blackwingdragon on Jay’s own personal journal. The thread is here, for your viewing pleasure.

I did finally have to say something, as I felt that this guy was being very rude and unreasonable in this matter that was totally uncalled for. He did continue to rant some more vicious shite in his own LJ, to which I also made a comment (since I have just as much right to bitch in HIS Live Journal, as he has the right to bitch in Jay’s, apparently!).


"Oh, I'm not selfish, dear. Rather, the conceited fool, who beleives he can base authority back on something non-existant."

Yes. You ARE being selfish. >:/ And that "fool" can base all he wants on something that IS in fact existent. Jay and I ARE a COUPLE! And I really do not appreciate the things you've had to say about him thus far. >.<

"I pity bugs like that."

I pity YOU for behaving in such a childish manner! >:(

"I want to read into that person's life to understand him. I, however, do NOT want to see a pathetic arrogant fool rant on about someone I've had a huge crush on for longer than I've been in the fandom for."

Reading into his life to "understand him," will result in you also occasionally reading about my involvement in his life. So if you don't like it, then stop reading. That, or just suck it up and deal with it. Just because you have a crush on me is NO excuse for your behavior! Do you think this is impressing me at all?? Do you think this is winning you any more points with me? *raises a brow*

"And I can tell you here and now that if he dares mistreat said person, I will break every bone in his body myself."

If he mistreats me, I can damn well take care of myself, and you had BETTER believe that, mister!

"Oh, and just to demonstrate....this is my LJ. *arrogant tone* keep your foolishness to yourself."

*whines* 'I have EVERY RIGHT to bitch in YOUR LJ!!!' Fucking gimme' a bloody break. >.<

I don't want to hear from you anymore.


I got an e-mail reply back, which I’ve taken the liberty of putting behind a LJ-cut, for those who don’t give a crap. It’s long, and absolutely mind-boggling. If you want a good laugh though, feel free to read ahead.

Read more...Collapse )

Okay. Just a few things I felt I needed to mention. First, I have NO fucking clue why he even mentions Ganador. Or how he has the gall to even begin to compare Jay with Gan. That is the hugest fucking insult ever! I don’t know what this Blackwing dude thinks he knows about my past involvement with Mr. Ganador Rex, (since I don’t even bloody well know this guy outside of LJ and have never talked to him about anything even remotely personal!). But the fact of the matter is that a good chunk of my “relationship” with Gan was me arguing with him to no end to stop lying and cheating on his girlfirend(s) at the time. >.< Gan put me through a LOT of shit, and I am not proud of my past with him at all. Jay knows this, and so do a lot of my very close friends, who where there to actually see the torment that damn dragon put me through!! In fact Gan is a huge reason why I’ve had a hard time trusting being in this new relationship with Jay. To even BEGIN to compare Jay with Gan is just SICK. If anything, Blackwing is more like Ganador than Jay is! O.x

Second, all this shit about me “turning him down” at a time when he was suicidal is a bunch of bullshit. Yes, I had to tell him many times, NICELY at first, that there was no way that he’d be able to have any kind of romantic relationship with me. What the hell did he expect me to say? “Oh yes, of COURSE I’ll date you! Just don’t kill yourself!!” For crying out loud!

Third, I never “blocked” Blackwing from my AIM list. I have two AIM accounts. A public account for acquaintances, people I’m friendly with, but who I don’t know very well. I barely get on this one anymore. I’m on once in a blue moon at best, when I’m not busy with working at the vet clinic, or working on commissions. SOMETIMES I actually DO like getting on AIM to chat with people I haven’t see in a long time. I also have a very private AIM account, which I generally only give out to my really close friends, people who I’ve known for a while, and am comfortable with talking with on a more regular basis. Unfortunately however, due to Life, I just don’t have much time for AIM as much as I used to. Hell, half the time I’m on my private account, I’m STILL hiding from people, because otherwise I’ll get distracted, and I won’t get any work done.

Considering the few times I HAVE made a pause in my life in the past to get onto my general AIM account, JUST so that I can talk to Blackwing, to make him happy, you’d think that he just *might* actually appreciate the fact that I have been QUITE tolerant with him, until now. And meanwhile he’s going on about how Jay’s an arrogant bastard, who doesn’t appreciate what he has with me. *smirks* Fucking hypocrite!

Now, this is going out to everyone who may read my Live Journal (and if you’ve read all of this so far, you deserve a prize!): I do NOT ignore people because I feel that they are “nobodies” as he puts it. I am not an arrogant bitch who thinks so fucking highly of myself. I am JUST one person in this world, trying to live my life the best way that I can, without shit like THIS dropping on me from all sides, all of the freaking time! I’m sick of this kind of bullshit! I cannot be everyone’s best friend, just because they want me to. I will not drop everything just to bow to any person’s specific wishes. And I will NOT tolerate people who go on to have their little temper tantrums, just because they couldn’t get what they wanted out of me!!

I give everyone a fair chance. I’m a nice person, I’m sociable, and cheerful (most of the time!) But for FUCK sake, do NOT cross a line with me, or this bitch WILL bite! For goodness sake people, give me less reasons to rant about shit in my Live Journal! I LIKE my happy journals!! But DAMMIT, things like this just give me the worst need to vent! *grits her teeth!*


*sighs* Okay… I feel much better now…

Current Mood: aggravatedNot Impressed At All!!!

(125 comments | Leave a comment)

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[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
So what's my prize for reading all of this? ;)

Seriously... it's been said many times here, and better than I could say it, but to hell with this guy - Only a handful of a percentage of people who threaten suicide actually commit it, others are just looking for people to intervene on their behalf.

Any further commentary by him in any medium, including his own, should be wholly ignored. And if he starts badmouthing you, remind those affected of the source. Point them to this post. They'll understand.

*hugs the wuff* Miss ya down here too, hon. Come back and visit soon!
[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 02:48 am (UTC)
I'll be visiting you guys in July, right after Anthrocon! And your prize is a BIG hug when I see you! ;) *HUGS!*
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 05:43 pm (UTC)

What is it with dragons?

Good Gods... What a creep. Blackwing can't/won't see past his own nose and likes to hear himself talk. He's looks to be the type to always be the victim, no matter how much help anyone gives him. You and Jay are far more diplomatic and tolerant of this sort of idiocy than I'll ever be.

In any case, sounds like it might be a good time to get out the ban_set™, even if just for the peace of mind of not having to deal with him. :P

Btw - I didn't know you and Jay were datin', but I wish you two all the best! And hey, I miss you too... and you're local!
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 05:49 pm (UTC)


Damn. I almost feel bad.. I sparked world war .... well, there have been a lot of them.

This is why I decided not to reply more than once on that thread in Jay's journal. Blackwing's response to my first one just rang on the stalker radar pretty hard. Sorry I somewhat started anythin. But I have the feeling it would have, (and probably will) persist anyways.
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)

Re: O.o

Don't worry about it. I think you more or less just pulled the curtain back so he could burst forth in all his glory. I was always wary of him.
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 06:24 pm (UTC)
I remember last year at some point bitching at charmaster510 or whatever his name is for being a complete tool...even though I can't remember what the reason was anymore (had something to do with Ashton I think). It was something unimaginably glaring though. Your little leech there started trying to talk to me like he liked me, saying he wanted to be 'motherly' towards me or something. I promptly told him to stuff it because that was creepy as hell, especially the way he was talking about it.

As far as dragons go from my experience is there's three kinds. One, there's people who are fucked in the head like Gannie-poo and Blackie, etc etc. Two, there's the artist type dragon people, like Fireeyes, Aisling, tons of others. Three, there's the ones who hang out on places like draconic.com who aren't psychotic beyond belief. There seems to be the majority of type One, and an equal sprinkling of types Two and Three. Type One is the main reason why I've shoved Pyron so damn far off to the side lately even though I wish I didn't have to. :( God damned freaks.
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 09:58 pm (UTC)
This is charmaster510's new journal. It had nothing to do with Ashton, but rather my attempts to be nice to cnipur, when I was venomously attacked by his now-mate, darkcougar. I'll admit that I wasn't the greatest with words, and now in order to avoid his immature bashing, I've avoided speaking to both parties. Now it's a dead issue, though I'm rather curious as to what happened to ashtonhammer, anyway.

If I did something wrong and made myself come across as a tool, I'm sorry. I'll admit that I didn't go about keeping friendships in the best ways, and I've gotten over it. I hope you don't still have any resentment toward me.

Nowadays I'd consider myself in your second category, since I spend more time writing and being inspired philosophically than putting up with drama. In fact, some of my recent posts have been rants about drama, which I essentially refuse to participate in, except to learn more about other people in as unbiased a way as possible.
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 07:15 pm (UTC)
Let's see.. my list of stupid male dragons I know...

Mr. Dragon (the guy that was harassingcatwoman69y2k
Ganadork, a manipulative practicing heterosexual
BlackWingDragon, For trying to use cancer and sarcasm as a way of guilting me.

Let's see how big my list gets... *gets his pen ready*

Times like this I so want them to be a 16th century choir boy. *snippysnip!*
[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:49 am (UTC)
I better not end up on that list! :D
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 07:25 pm (UTC)
What a complete and utter psycho. O.o

"OMFG you can't ever be happy and I can't ever hear your BF talk about you because I'm trying to kill myself here and I might have CANCER!!!!1!!one!1!"

Where on EARTH is this guy's brain LOCATED?!

Heh, if he really WERE suicidal, he'd be HAPPY to hear about the cancer! It'd take care of the job FOR him!

And going back and forth from 'I deserve to be with you 'cause I've been crushin' on you for centuries' to 'Love doesn't exist and it'll all burn out in a matter of moments' just makes me crack up. ;)

Good grief. Sweetie, you and everyone you hang out with needs to simply ignore him. Don't reply to his LJ comments, don't write back to his emails, don't let him contact you on IM, *anything*. He'll get bored and move on to the next victim after a few more outbursts.
Date:June 2nd, 2005 09:30 pm (UTC)
that's a very angry face you're wearing...yikes

Hi, how've you been? ^^
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 08:48 pm (UTC)
Need some 24 hour rabies? That way when you bite it leave some nice reminders to stay the hell away.

Poor you.


Im when you have a chance so I can do pre-registrations.
[User Picture]
Date:June 2nd, 2005 09:39 pm (UTC)
Three things about blackwingdragon.

He is a spoiled child.
He is a nutter.
He is a manipulative stalker.

Let this rant about him be your last dealings with him. If he e-mails you, do not reply back. He thrives on the attention, negative or positive. He will not commit suicide - he's been talking about doing so for years now. Just quit feeding him. Cut all contact. He'll never learn if you people keep giving him attention like this.
[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 02:54 am (UTC)
He's already been banned from my LJ, blocked from my AIM lists, and blocked from my e-mail. I'm only really pissed because after close to two years of being an off-on acquaintance of his, he's had the gall to cross such a line with me. >.< He really needs to just grow up.
Date:June 3rd, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)
Blackwing is a very lonley dragon, I've known him for a bit but he's truly a great guy, you just have to look past his outside into the inside.

He's jealous, since his relationships haven't been the best, and people have hurt him in the past, it's a normal reaction to want love quickly, and I did to in my younger years, but as I've aged I've began to know that love comes in many forms.

He just wants to be held thats all, loved, he seeks mateship and I would never ask you to date a person you don't like but he just craves love and yearns for it, for he has not been given it in the past. I was the same way to, it's just he's struggling to find ground in which he can hold onto.

[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 01:32 am (UTC)
[look past his outside into the inside]

Yep, he's done a fine job of showing his inside. Between calling love "hormonic" and "disgusting," then saying that he eagerly awaits the day they fight and part... that says a lot about his inside. Like "Hazardous Waste."

[He's jealous]

No, jealous is wanting what other people have for yourself. Psychotic is trying to guilt and control somebody with threats of suicide and claims to having cancer, in between bouts of decrying her boyfriend... and making a habit of it.
[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 05:07 am (UTC)

Sorry if this is long winded...

Jessie, if you haven't blocked blackwing already, I'd say do so now. He has all the classical signs of being a psycho stalker as well as rather screwed up in the head. I fear for your safety.

And as for him unloading his depression on you, that's just downright mean. And he can think I'm not depressed all he wants, but he'd be wrong. I've been there, I've done that, and for some strange ass reason, I'm still here (but not from lack of trying, let me tell you).

He needs to get it through his thick damned skull that you do NOT belong to him or to Jay. You belong to yourself. And as for love being fleeting... honey, let me tell you, a relationship isn't just fluffy bunnies and nice flowers, it's a lot of damned HARD work. That's why most people fail at their relationships - they're lazy. I'm married to a man I love, a man who is going to be the father of my child in about ... three months now. If someone were to ask 'So, everything is just peachy keen and sunshine and daisies, right?' Hell no, it isn't. Most days, I want to rip his fucking head off and slam him against the walls he aggrivates me so much. But, there is that certain something that makes me forgive his bullshit each and every time and want to love on him again. THAT is love.

As for your hatred of couples ... look the other fucking way. That, or get over your damned self and your 'curse' and actually try to get along with a fellow human long enough to form a relationship. Don't get psycho and drive them away. Just because you don't have someone doesn't mean you need to shit on other people's day.

And Blackwing, don't you DARE lay your depression and suicidal tendancies on Jessie. Those are not her fault, those are yours and your lack of control. Nor, if you really DO care about her, should you lay your medical problems at her feet. That's just being a major fucking asshole! From just the email above, you really ARE selfish.

Open your fucking eyes, Blackwing. Life is pain. And there is such a thing as love and no ... it isn't all just hormones. Wake the fuck up! And as for Jessie ... she's just as normal as anyone you could pass on the street. Sure, she has talent, sure she's nice. But she's not a Goddess. She's a friend.
[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:14 am (UTC)

Re: Sorry if this is long winded...

[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 09:45 am (UTC)
Hiyas hun,

I know we havent talked in FOREVER! and ever. But after reading this I just had to say something.

Thats totally creepy and weird and for once I honestly dont have any advice to give.

Ill just keep my fingers crossed that everything will come out in a good as possible way and that you can move on to better things with out having something so odd dragging you down.

I wish you all the best of everything dear.

[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
Holy jeebus, Matt!!! Haven't see you in ages! :) Damn, I didn't even know you had a LJ! O.o *hugs*
[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
I was gonna start by saying holy crap what a jerk that guy is..
but i have a feeling in the 91 comments before this one it's already been said @.@
It's good to see you're with someone nice, Fisk is a cool guy from what little i know about him, we chilled at AC in the lobby and stuff :3

That other guy is your typical desperate furry creep, probably still a virgin and will be until he buys himself a cheap hooker, whom im sure he'll still treat like crap..

anyway, take care you :3
Pop online and say hi sometime
my aim is cajunfox64
Date:June 3rd, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)


Blackwing defintally has some issues. Though I personally don't know him, but I've had the near same situation when I had a crush on another wonderfully artistic anthropomorphic drawer and found out she had a boyfriend when I told her, so I stopped.
Seeing that he totally spammed your e-mail and such even though you said you weren't interested, he's a ****ing pain in the ass selfish jerk or he might be a 40 year old man just stalking and screwing around with teens.

Maybe you should let blackwing talk to you a bit after he read your feelings, because it's like yelling at him, who can't talk back and this might make him angry. Or suicidal. No offense, I know you're angry, but getting blackwing pissed seems kinda murderous to his emotional problems right now.
PS.-I hope your relationship with Jay keep on rocking. X3
[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:16 am (UTC)

Re: Jerk

Already have tried letting him talk, and have tried talking to hm, hon. :/ Nothing helps. After a while, trying to talk and rationalize with someone as unstable as him just isn't worth the effort anymore. It just becomes a hopeless waste of time. >.
[User Picture]
Date:June 3rd, 2005 09:57 pm (UTC)

A letter to community Stalkers...

To those reading this entry and feeling even a pang of guilt about this, or perhaps wondering they may be causing the same situation with another person...

Being online can build friendships so far, as this is no more than an advanced version of being penpals. Sharing only so much as one decides to in their words or images. It takes time to know another person, honestly.

A real relationship needs life and knowing the other person beyond what feeds your fantasies or self delusional ideals about who you think they are to you.
Trying to force a person to feel things you desire by faking suicidal tendencies is sickening. It shows all you have are the common tricks of the obsessed fanatic. Trying to garner some form of fearful pity on their part over things they had no feelings for, does nothing but make you the object of scorn you find yourself now.

Emotional terrorism.

These are the kind of things that drive the good folks from being so open and friendly online. It makes them gunshy of replying to someone that just thinks they have a talent or common interest. Anyone would be annoyed if they thought just saying hello back would cause an obsessive reaction to snowball like this.

Enjoy the art? Fine. Think they are an amazing person? Cool, and say so. But don't think you know them beyond what they want to share.

You might find life better if you turn off the computer for a while and go live it.

Have a problem with that? JoeAconite on AIM ... Feel free to drop in.

To Jay and Jessie, the best wishes for your happiness together.
Jessie: Trying again makes you strong, and learing from the past makes this a stronger relationship. He makes you feel again.
Let no one drive you apart with thier own selfishness.
Jay: You are a lucky man, and her love and respect shows you have honesty in spades.
Have fun this summer you two!

[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:24 am (UTC)

Re: A letter to community Stalkers...

*hugs tight!* Love ya, hon! ^^ You are a truly good friend. :)
[User Picture]
Date:June 4th, 2005 05:29 am (UTC)
BW seems to simply enjoy the melodrama for its own sake.
I hope you get over this frustration and feel better quickly.
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