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The Aftermath - Jessie T. Wolf
April 15th, 2004
07:13 am

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The Aftermath
Wow. I’ve had so much going through my mind these past couple of days. I only just got back from my trip to visit the NARFA Cube, and 2_gryphon, and already I’m starting to feel like I never left home.

Ugh. I hate this empty, lost feeling. I need some direction in my life. I went away… and it was bliss. I haven’t felt that happy… in ages, it feels like. And now the only thing I feel, is like a big chunk of me is missing now. I want that chunk back. >.< I want to feel whole again. I missed that feeling so very much. I want to get it back and keep it forever.

I need some sort of serious plan. I feel like I need to start over… I need some serious change, and I need some VERY serious commitment. I wonder if I should just throw myself wholeheartedly into this… risk everything, go out on a limb. I’m scared as hell, and I have no idea what I’m doing. But if I have a shot at happiness, why shouldn’t I take the chance?

It’s so hard… wanting to do what feels right, but having the words of others slowly starting to creep into my head, and cause me to doubt what I thought I was so sure about. I hate doubting myself… and I’ve been doing it for so long. But the funny thing is that this whole time I’ve doubted myself about things, but in the end it turned out I was right all along. I found lately that I was starting to get a bit paranoid… and wanted to run to the ones I love for reassurance… but then I found that as soon as I got near them, the feelings of doubt suddenly went away. And I felt good, and calm… and right. Just the feeling I got being close was enough to reassure me, without even one word needing to be said.

And that’s the way it should be.

This past week I’ve felt love and happiness again, and it felt wonderful and right. I’m not going to let go of that, even if it threatens to slip away. I’m going to hang onto this, see where it takes me and just enjoy the ride. Yes. One painful chapter in my life is finally over. Time for the next chapter to begin. I hope it’ll be some damn good reading. O.o

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: 2 - Echoes

(21 comments | Leave a comment)

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From:nalakd
Date:April 15th, 2004 04:42 am (UTC)
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I say latch on and don't let go. Follow your heart, where ever it may lead. And yes, enjoy the ride! (Even if it is by Greyhound *wink*)
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 04:58 am (UTC)
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Heheh, thanks! ^^ It was nice meeting you, by the way. ;) I'll add ya to my Friends list.
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From:ebonytigress
Date:April 15th, 2004 05:58 am (UTC)
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*smiles and wiggles*
2's coming to our convention in October, so I'll finally get to hear his rants and stuff =^-^=! I met the Narfa furs Silver,Delphi and Sythe a few weeks back.

*waves* it's too early in the mornign for me to blabber on XD <3 I'm glad you're feeling good! that's awesome =^-^=
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 11:49 am (UTC)
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Heheh. They're a great bunch, aren't they? :) I miss hanging with the NARFA furs. And it's never too early for blabbering! ;) *hugs!*
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From:ebonytigress
Date:April 15th, 2004 12:35 pm (UTC)
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they are! :) I look forward to seeing the guys again =^-^=. *hugs* *flails from unproductivity* I need to color or -something- today x__X
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 02:25 pm (UTC)
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Oh?? Details, bunneh!! *HUGS* I miss you! I forgot my sketch! O.o
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From:beerhorse
Date:April 15th, 2004 09:48 am (UTC)
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It sounds like you had an awesome time down there. :) I've been thinking that it would be fun to visit the folks at the cube, but there isn't anyone I know well enough to be comfortable staying with them. If you move down there though, I think it could be very cool hang'n with Djago's lil sis. :)
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From:beerhorse
Date:April 15th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
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Whee! :) As soon as I have paid vacation time, I'm coming down! (That could be a while!) Until then, you'll just have to kidnap me at Anthrocon for an evening or something.
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 11:57 am (UTC)
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Heh... he'll be at AC with me again this year, so we gotta bump into each other sometime while at the con. ^^ I only really knew three people at the cube, but got to meet everyone else, and the folks there are REALLY cool.
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From:beerhorse
Date:April 15th, 2004 01:09 pm (UTC)
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Yes! More sketch trades! :)
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 12:00 pm (UTC)
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What are you talking about?? You were there lots! I miss ya.. and damn, we never did get to watch that video, but oh well... Glad we got to hang out and stuff though, and mini golf, watching movies, and sharing dinner was fun. ;) *HUGS and smoochies!* I will defanitely see you at AC. ^^
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From:2_gryphon
Date:April 15th, 2004 01:14 pm (UTC)
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Mini-golf? You guys went mini-golfing without me? I hate you both. :>
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 02:33 pm (UTC)
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You were SLEEPING! ;) Lazy gryph! :-P I won a free game on my last hole though. ^^ I will give it to you next time I see you. *snuggles and nibble-licks*
From:khakiwolf
Date:April 15th, 2004 11:54 am (UTC)
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I know how you feel, there. I leave a little part of me in Toronto every time I visit with you guys. We need more furs in Hamilton. UGH!
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From:rozberk
Date:April 15th, 2004 01:08 pm (UTC)
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There would be no fear, and thus doubt, if you didn't feel like there was something worthy in it all. You are a very worthy person, surrounded by those that you find worthy as well. The risk is only in what you feel you might loose. And those around who know the risks will catch if you fall. You shall not loose them.

So in short: Go for it. ;)
From:draca_serpens
Date:April 15th, 2004 02:11 pm (UTC)
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Thought this might help. :)

They say foolishness is risking your life. Courage is risking your life in search of happiness. :)
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 02:29 pm (UTC)
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Wow... I like that quote. O.o Thanks Draca! Mind if I Friend you? :}
From:draca_serpens
Date:April 15th, 2004 04:50 pm (UTC)
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Not at all! I already friended you 'cause I like your art. :)
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From:wlfdog
Date:April 15th, 2004 08:42 pm (UTC)
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Ooohh, thank ya. ^^
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