September 29th, 2009

Jessie - by Scully Raptor

So Conflicted...

So, imagine that you've spent a good while really wanting something, but it's one of those things that you know is very, very unlikely to ever happen. It's more just like a nice fantasy - cool to think about, but you never really get too disappointed, because you have no expectations of it ever coming true anyway. You're just content to think, "Well, maybe one day this would be really nice to have." Like winning a fortune in the lottery, or buying that nice big dream home.

Apparently I now have access to something that's been a fantasy of mine for a little over a year now, and my reaction to hearing the news was not what I expected. Most people would do a happy dance. I just kind of sat there, blankly staring at nothing as a bunch of mixed thoughts and emotions suddenly came flooding through me.

The stupid thing is that I almost came to the conclusion that I didn't want this thing anymore. It had been just a hope for so long, that I pretty much chalked it up to Never-Gonna-Happen status, and I just accepted that.

Now I feel more like a cat than a canine:

*paws at the door* "I want inside!!"

*owner opens the door* "Okay, come on inside."

*cat sits there* "No thanks, I'll just stay out here."

WTF? O___o

I don't know what I want anymore, or what to think right now...

So conflicted... *ears flatten*


Solo the Beagle is determined that he's going to get up onto my lap this morning, though I keep telling him he's too big for that. We somehow managed to make it work, and now I have a plump little Beagle in my arms. Dogs are great for giving cuddles when you're feeling kinda down.
  • Current Mood
    disappointed Contemplative