Jessie T. Wolf (wlfdog) wrote,
Jessie T. Wolf

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Relationships and Judgment

In every relationship, there are always two sides of the story of what happened. Each person lives their own version of shared events. There is not necessarily a "right" or a "wrong" point of view - there is only the person's perspective of what happened, and what happened for them is very true in their world.

In any relationship, if that relationship should come to an end, there will inevitably be the Victim, and the Bad Guy. I've been seen as the Bad Guy on a few occasions, and I have learned to accept that, and then do my best to learn from past mistakes and move on with my life.

The way I see it, there is very rarely a Pure Victim or Pure Bad Guy - rather, each person contributes to any given situation, and helps in producing whatever the result of that situation may be. In other words, it takes two to tango.

Just barely a year ago, I had a very messy breakup with my Husband. We are currently legally separated, and still waiting on a Divorce. The split was traumatizing for both of us, in different ways. However, I was able to brush the dust off, and started looking ahead, and did my best to move on with my life, and do the things that I enjoy. My ex, on the other hand, had a very, very difficult time getting over the break up, and it very nearly killed him. He struggled with the idea of being able to move on, and our breakup had lasting, damaging effects on him.

My actions, to some people, may look selfish - like I didn't care about the feelings of my ex, or how he was progressing. I'm sure that seeing me become able to move forward, and be happy, was very painful for him. And in every breakup, you're going to have your support group - close friends that you can bitch to about your evil ex, in confidence, to help get the frustration out. There's nothing wrong with a support group.

There is something wrong with tarnishing a person's name on purpose, however, out of spite or jealousy.

As a result of our breakup, apparently there are now certain individuals who hate me, because of "what I did" to my ex (because all of my good friends know just what an evil, heartless bitch I really am... <--- Sarcasm). I really don't like it when people who don't even know me, are willing to make a judgment so quickly, based off of a one-sided story they heard, from a person who was hurt, and who was reacting out of emotion. Not that this is really effecting me personally, because why would I want to have anything to do with people who don't know me, but are going to believe cruel rumors about me? Rather, it bothers me because now my current BF, who used to be friends with these people, is being snubbed by said individuals, and taken off of Friends and Watch Lists, just because he's now involved with me. And I'm evil, dontcha know.

Whatever. The whole thing is rather stupid, and very petty, in the end. But I have to say that I'm very, very disappointed. You know, with how much stress I also went through, during the final throws of my last relationship, I think I managed to keep it together pretty darn well, considering the not-so-good things I went through as well. Yes, I had my support group, but I tell you right now, I never, EVER made him out to be the monster that he's allegedly made me out to be. Any time I've ever told a friend about my version of what happened, I very clearly state that it was from my perspective, and that he may not have felt the same about certain situations. I have always talked about him with respect, and have never called him things like "cruel", or "evil", or "manipulative", or "heartless", etc.

I've only ever chalked our separation up to this: We were simply incompatible. We both went into the relationship expecting something specific, and then in the end, when things turned out to be very, VERY much not what we expected... and we both clearly showed that we were very, VERY different people, with different life goals... and not being able to trust one another... that's when things came to an end. Spending thousands of dollars on communication courses and therapy doesn't always help fix relationships, and we did try. Sometimes it just doesn't work. So what? In the end, it simply didn't work out. No hard feelings. Learn from it, and move on to something better. It's not worth it to mull over the past, and keep yourself from living your life. Going out of your way to ruin things for your ex, and mutual friends doesn't do much good either.

Otherwise, I am very happy with my current living situation, and I am very happy being with Torwin. He and I just kind of ended up together - it was not a planned thing, especially since we had both literally come out of very traumatizing past relationships, and we were not looking to get into another relationship. But we ignored our own rules, about not letting ourselves get too close, or attached. Now, I honestly don't know what I'd do without him. I mean, I'd LIVE if we were ever to split up, but I'd rather remain living my life as it is with him. I owe him quite a bit.

We are a good team. We keep things very open and simple. There are no expectations, and no pressure. Everything's relaxed. He's who he is, and I love him for it, and likewise, he loves me for who I am, and doesn't try to change me into someone I'm not. He tolerates my bitchy moments, and I tolerate his crazy moments. We respect each others likes and dislikes, similarities and differences. He's fun to be around, and while he may not be super emotional and like talking about his feelings, he is still very affectionate, he makes me laugh, and there is never a doubt in my mind about how much he cares for me. But most important, we TRUST each other, and we communicate, and LISTEN to each other. We respect each other, and I can't ask for more than that.

Also, I REALLY, REALLY love my puppy, Jango! Tor drove me into work, with both Jango and Tobi today, and Jango spent some time by my side being a big mushpot, and I love him so much!!! He fills that empty space that's been there for a while, since I had to give Zena up (which really killed me inside...). If it weren't for Tor, I wouldn't have Jango right now, so it's just one more reason why I adore my Collie. ^^

This post is not meant to be emo or anything, and is just me thinking out loud about something that's been on my mind for the last couple of weeks. Always feels better getting things off my chest.
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