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A Few Important Points, And Sentimental Mush - Jessie T. Wolf
June 4th, 2005
12:30 am

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A Few Important Points, And Sentimental Mush
Hrmm… So, that last entry of mine landed a bigger reaction than I ever imagined it would have. O.x Even attracting people I don’t know to my Live Journal. Honestly, with it being as long as it was, I was almost sure that most people would just skip it entirely. :-P

Okay, I would just like to say a few things. First, for all of you out there who lent a supportive ear, I thank you. For those who suggested I drop all contact with Blackwing, he was actually banned from my Live Journal, blocked from my IM contacts, and blocked from my e-mail before I made that post. Of course that didn’t stop him from sending me one more nasty e-mail, from a different account, just because he felt he had to get a last word in… That’s fine. I can block that one too.

It just… REALLY blows my mind how someone can be THAT vicious, hateful, venomous, and spiteful… and irrational to the point where any kind of logical communication just doesn’t get through at all. :/ If this were just some stranger that came out of the blue, I wouldn’t have taken things quite so hard, and in fact would have just completely ignored it.

But the people who read my last entry who thought that this was just a knee-jerk reaction to some frivolous BS, just to gain attention, would benefit to realize that I’ve been dealing with Blacky for QUITE a while. To the point where I did in fact go out of my way a couple of times to fix things between he and I, because I do not like unnecessary conflict. It really just shocked, and hurt me to find out that, even after I thought that things were fine and calm between us, they were apparently not, and that escalated into the stupid drama of that last night’s entry.

Now, I would also like to just point out a few things about why I make posts to my Live Journal. For starters, my journal is not used in the means of necessarily starting drama. It is simply a vessel in which I use to communicate my thoughts and feelings. I write about happy times here. I write about sad moments in my life. And I also write about things that frustrate me, things that make me angry, because it helps me get all of the negative feelings out of my system so that I can move on.

That last journal entry was also to make a very blatant point. I did use Blackwing as an example of the types of people I occasionally have to deal with. I felt it was important to show people what NOT to be like! O.o And anyone who hasn’t been “warned” about people like him may now be better able to pinpoint the signs, and know how to avoid them.

Also, for the couple of comments saying that I should put more personal entries like this as a Friends Only post… Everything I write about in my journal is welcome to public view, even if it’s not really meant to be for public hearing. I’ve never had to restrict anything to Friends Only, and I hope that I never have to. What I say is what I honestly think and feel, and I am not afraid to voice my opinions or concerns about any topic.

Do I care if Blackwing saw that last post? No. Why? Because I made the point I needed to make, and I don’t regret it. I should not have to feel ashamed for anything I write about in my own journal. I’m not afraid of other people seeing what it is I have to say, and I have no reason to want to hide what’s on my mind from people who may not agree with me.

Do I do it for attention? No. Do I do it just to have a bunch of my friends post comments agreeing to my every opinion so that it can inflate my super ego and make me feel better about myself? HELL no. O.o I’m not a fucking celebrity. I don’t think I’m some huge important person in this Fandom, just because I happen to be an artist, too. And I don’t surround myself with other “popular” people, just so that I can feel like I’m some kind of superior.

I have the friends that I have because I like the people that they are. They’re caring, generous, reliable, trustworthy people. They have feelings, and opinions just as everyone else does. They have their good times and bad times that I’m happy to be a part of, just as they’re happy to be a part of mine. I don’t care about labels, and I don’t care about popularity. I show everyone the same amount of respect that they show me.

No, I can’t be everyone’s friend, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate the friendly people who come and go in my life. And sure, I’d love to be around more for the close friends that I do have, and I regret that I’m not always able to be. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t care, and it doesn’t mean that I’m heartlessly ignoring people because I don’t have time for them personally; I just don’t always have the time in general. :/

I have a lot going on in my life, and I am VERY grateful to those who understand that and who don’t hold it against me. You have no idea how happy you, my friends, make me. And I thank you all for your love and support!


…On a totally different note… this salad tastes REALLY bad, and I have NO idea why I’m still eating it! X.x Blah! *goes off to get coffee*

Current Mood: thoughtful

(29 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:formynder
Date:June 4th, 2005 04:44 am (UTC)
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I think its realy cool how you can be so humble about yourself, even though your a realy cool girl. Just sayin, ja know?
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From:_patches
Date:June 4th, 2005 04:58 am (UTC)
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Hrm. If this crazy psycho shows up and harasses you at AC, let me know. All I need is a picture of his face and he'll bother you no more. x_x
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From:fairbank_otts
Date:June 4th, 2005 08:34 am (UTC)
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Insane hypothetical furry retribution. Awesome.
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From:ralesk
Date:June 4th, 2005 08:49 pm (UTC)
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Unlikely, he lives half a city away from me and we both are in Budapest, Hungary.
From:kitchkinet
Date:June 5th, 2005 12:08 pm (UTC)
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So, you live in Buda and he lives in Pest?

Sorry, historical geography joke. :P
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From:ralesk
Date:June 5th, 2005 01:01 pm (UTC)
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Actually the other way around (more precisely Óbuda, if we are to name the three big cities that fused in 1873) and that’s not actually a joke.  The city halves are still called generally Buda and Pest, and if you want to be more precise, then the particular district’s name is used.
[User Picture]
From:puppehkat
Date:June 4th, 2005 05:09 am (UTC)
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Shortly after he decided to add me to his LJ and then IM me.

..

O.o
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From:_patches
Date:June 4th, 2005 02:29 pm (UTC)
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A friend of mine I spoke to said a while ago, the guy added him (LJ/IM) out of the blue and started messaging him weird stuff. I think there's a pattern with this guy. IGNORE!!
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From:pat_the_fox
Date:June 4th, 2005 05:10 am (UTC)
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You and your eating habits!
From:kutztowndragon
Date:June 4th, 2005 05:37 am (UTC)
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Blow-off people you don't like. What's the big deal?
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From:fiskblack
Date:June 4th, 2005 06:23 am (UTC)
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Thankfully, I think we dodged a bullet by this gentleman living in Hungary. Having read that last e-mail he sent you, it was full of an extreme level of hatred. And I lurrrrve being threatened behind my back.

Personally, I think he's the type that would talk big on the internet and never carry anything out in real life. But even if he did manage to scrape together something of an economic standing and make it to North America for a convention, you've got plenty of people who can block for you.

Also: you shouldn't be eating salads. You should be eating BBQ sandwhiches, buttery corn on the cob, fried chickens, buttermilk biscuits, and baked sweet potatoes, three squares a day. Love ya. :)

Jay Naylor
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From:fairbank_otts
Date:June 4th, 2005 08:39 am (UTC)
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I'd love to see this e-mail. His journal was like some sort of massive giggle-fest until he locked it all up.
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From:fiskblack
Date:June 4th, 2005 09:42 am (UTC)
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It was a pretty intense diatribe of personal attacks against her, her fans, and friends. I supposed if you asked her for it, she might share.
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From:_patches
Date:June 4th, 2005 02:31 pm (UTC)
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Don't try buying said foods in GA though. Never before have I spent 30 minutes in a KFC line before waiting for ordered food than at the KFC that was at FWA o.O
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From:kelbob
Date:June 5th, 2005 03:13 pm (UTC)

Good Southern food

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No no no, for good southern food you don't go to a fast food joint. You find a good southerner to make it for you.
But that's why she's got Jay, right.

Hugs for both of you. Keep you chin up.
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From:nalakd
Date:June 4th, 2005 03:27 pm (UTC)
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I agree! She's too damned skinny! Needs more meat on her tiny bones!
From:kitchkinet
Date:June 5th, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC)
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mmmmm... buttermilk biscuits...

I love living in the South. Even if Florida is sometimes disjointed from it. :P
[User Picture]
From:fairbank_otts
Date:June 4th, 2005 08:33 am (UTC)
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I'm slightly perturbed that I might have any hand in making you happy in any shape or form. :)
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From:cajunfox
Date:June 4th, 2005 09:37 am (UTC)
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And so he shall join the list of pathetic internet failures :P
you did the right thing and everyone knows it so there's nothing at all you should be afraid of :3
*snug*
[User Picture]
From:joeaconite
Date:June 4th, 2005 09:54 am (UTC)

The Breakdown.

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This journal is a a good catharsis for you, and should not be second guessed or looked at by anyone as anything less. A journal by an artist that lives in more than the fandom.
Having your feelings and thoughts to share is just another expression of yourself you give to the community.
No one woman can be an island, as one wolf should not be expected to carry an entire community. Time is budgeted with work, love and other aspects of life. Those that care will understand and always step back when you need them to, but also be a shoulder when you don't.

As for Mr. Poison pen...
People like this are so insular and shielded in the worlds they create, that this is a common reation they have.
Even the slightest rejection becomes a monumental drama, and an affront to the fantasy kingdom.
How dare anyone not be thier sympathetic ear or have feelings and opinions not supporting thiers? How can you not be everything they connected to with looking at your work?
Simple, bucko.
There is a real life, with free will, and people live in it.
Learning what friendship is takes a wake-up call.

I hope you get it.

Yes they will have the last mean word, and find dubious support in those like themselves, yet ultimately find their lives lonely.

I don't see you as ever being alone, miss Jessie.




[User Picture]
From:joeaconite
Date:June 4th, 2005 07:01 pm (UTC)

Re: The Breakdown.

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Here's something happy to help take your mind off things
Zarla's Reanimator music video.
http://www.windwhip.net/~winged/archive/reanimator2.swf
Move your dead bones! ^_^
[User Picture]
From:prismo
Date:June 4th, 2005 12:10 pm (UTC)
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In the end, you have many, close and deep friends. He has his angst-opolis, population: HIM.

You win. :) *hugs a wuffdog warmly*
[User Picture]
From:prestonkitty
Date:June 4th, 2005 01:09 pm (UTC)
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Angstopolis? *begins to giggle, seriously*

Ok, anyway, yeah. Jessie, this is your LJ, say whatever it is you need/want to say. Like I told you last night, that's what LJ is for. And if people don't like it tough.
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From:nalakd
Date:June 4th, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC)
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Quite agreed!
From:catwoman69y2k
Date:June 4th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
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Of course that didn’t stop him from sending me one more nasty e-mail, from a different account, just because he felt he had to get a last word in… That’s fine. I can block that one too.

It just… REALLY blows my mind how someone can be THAT vicious, hateful, venomous, and spiteful… and irrational to the point where any kind of logical communication just doesn’t get through at all. :/ If this were just some stranger that came out of the blue, I wouldn’t have taken things quite so hard, and in fact would have just completely ignored it.


Funnily enough I have had the similiar thing last week as well. The ass gave me some last minute response that merely insulted stuff like what I wear....oooh...big problem. Im so sad now *s*

Anyhow, he doesnt respect you if he cant even respect your wishes to either /and a) drop contact with him b) refuse to forcibly be in somesort of relationshop with him. Mr Dragon did something very similir to me. Manipulation.

[User Picture]
From:mewmew
Date:June 5th, 2005 12:32 am (UTC)
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I just went back and read the entry. Jesus christ is that guy nuts. Seems he keeps bringing up his depression, suicide "attemtps", and other illnesses to try and pity you into liking him again. Might explain what IR's one journal entry meant, too.

Good move on blocking him from being able to contact you. It's funny he thinks he knows you because he's read some LJ posts. XD Livejournals don't say THAT much about a person. I don't write every little detail about my life in my LJs. You have to spend time in real life with someone to really be able to say you love them. Unless you're around them in real life you don't know what they're like during different moods, or when they're sick vs. healthy. That's the kind of thing you have to know about someone to have a chance at a long term relationship. If he thought he was going to marry you some day because he read your LJ, he needs a SERIOUS reality check.
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From:iron_raptor
Date:June 5th, 2005 04:27 am (UTC)
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I think that the greatest reward is the legacy you leave behind. Hon, you're a great friend, honest and true. You're not afraid to kick me in the ass when I'm wrong, and you're not afraid to be who you are. Dammit you kick ass!

And not just mine!
From:kitchkinet
Date:June 5th, 2005 12:12 pm (UTC)
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Ice cream! Lots of ice cream! If you feel guilty about it, get the Breyer's CarbSmart vanilla bean ice cream. It's awesome!
From:emot
Date:June 6th, 2005 01:45 am (UTC)
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i hope my that wasn't my email X3
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