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Different Kinds Of Relationships - Jessie T. Wolf
March 12th, 2005
10:40 pm

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Different Kinds Of Relationships
Mmmm… So I’m feeling much better now. Had to get out a little cry. Blast emotions. But I feel very good now, and am very grateful to have all the wonderful friends that I do. :) Which got me to thinking about two of the most special men in my life right now, who are closest to my heart. 2_gryphon and fiskblack. Both make me feel loved, but in two very different, yet important ways. They’re both very special to me, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do without them.

I was chatting on the phone with 2 last night, going over plans for a visit, after Anthrocon. My manager at work had a sheet made up for all the staff to fill out their vacation times, and I figured I’ve never really taken my Birthday off, so I decided I’d really like to visit the NARFA Cube again. I miss the guys over there! I can hang with jakebe, tease him for becoming a Bunny, and steal his comics again. ;) I wanna give aubrin a big hug, after all the ickiness he’s been going through lately. X.x Gotta hang with da rikusho BunnyCat, cook stuff with a prismo Walla, and have a drink with Joey! :) And spend time with others, and not be as antisocial as last time. O.o Hey, I get shy!! You guys should come down to 2’s apartment and forcefully drag me out, and stuff. :} *waves to dax_matang, if he’s reading this entry!* ;)

I was thinking about just how lucky I am that 2 and I still share the kind of closeness that we do. I was worried that dropping titles would change things, but I’ve found that we’re exactly the same as we’ve always been, if not better! Just with much less pressure on making future plans together. I’m very relieved, though, and I honestly can’t picture my life without him. He’s helped me out in so many ways, I can’t even begin to thank him enough. He’s got a gift for being able to lift my spirits too, even when I’m in the crappiest of moods. Two minutes on the phone, and he’s got me all eepy and giggly like a little girl. :} And he makes the most AWESOME playmate, EVAR! ^^ Apparently I make a good squeaky toy for the Gryph, cos I squeak when he pokes and tickles me. :} It’s been AGES since I’ve had someone I could just be so silly and goofy with, and really play and wrestle around with. And then still curl up and snuggle with, and have some quiet time to talk with about anything that’s on my mind. I’m really glad I can still be the Gryph’s little Wuffy. I was so afraid I’d lose that. But I know better now. ^^

I’m really happy for 2, now that he and Tim Albee are engaged. I really hope they have their wedding in Toronto, so that I can be there! Tim sent me a couple of e-mails, says 2’s said a lot of really good things about me, and he would love to get to know me better. He’s really nice! And he’s really wolfy, like me. :) He seems really familiar to me too, somehow, but I can’t quite figure out how. I want to talk with him about a whole bunch of stuff, but I never know where to begin. He’s really smart, and interesting, but I keep putting off replying to him because I never know what to say back, and I don’t wanna sound like a dork. O.o I’ll probably e-mail him back tonight.

Jay kitty and I have also been getting a lot closer. Though I’m still not 100% sure if I want to get into a new “official” relationship just yet. I’m interested, but I think still rather scared to give it a shot, until I know exactly how I feel. Past experiences have kind of ruined relationships for me, and have caused me to be very cautious. I think mostly my main fear is that every time I seem to settle, things seem to get ripped out from under my feet suddenly, and then I don’t know where I stand anymore. Jay is JUST like me, to the T, when it comes to what we want in a relationship, and what we value the most. Which is probably why I get a bit scared. Seems almost too good to be true. I worry that if I go with it, it may somehow fail. But then again, if I don’t give it a chance, I’ll never know if I could finally be happy with someone.

I’m so torn. I keep thinking I need to make a decision, but then I keep coming back to just playing things by ear, taking things one day at a time. I guess when the time is right, I’ll know. I hope it happens though. I really like Jay, a lot. He’s been really patient, understanding, and supportive of me. I’m especially grateful that he’s understanding and accepting of the closeness that 2 and I still share. Most other guys interested in me as a potential Girlfriend might not have been so tolerant. :-P But Jay’s been really wonderful. I’ve found myself having 7-hour long conversations with him over the phone, and telling him every single little thing about me, because I really want him to know me, and understand how I am. We’ve covered a lot of really deep things that I don’t tell a lot of people at all, so I guess that has to say something about my feelings for him. Hrmm.

Jay will be coming to visit me for one week, at the end of April. It’ll be good to get to spend some one-on-one time with him, outside of a convention. Maybe it will help clear my head, and rid me of any uncertainties. Spending time with him on a more intimate level will be a good thing, and I’m looking forward to it. :)

Current Mood: lovedloved

(26 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments
 
[User Picture]
From:fiskblack
Date:March 13th, 2005 05:12 am (UTC)
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I'm looking forward to visiting, definitely.

There aren't any hurries for big decisions like this. You should stick to a pace that you're comfortable with and not feel pressured out of fear or obligation. Rash decisions usually come back to haunt us, later.

Sure, it sounds cliche, but I'm always there for you. Unless I'm stuck at work. Like now. Which is weh.

Jay Naylor
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From:wlfdog
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC)
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*gnaws onna kitty* ;)
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From:fiskblack
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
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Aiee!! Mmmmmmmmm.

Jay Naylor
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From:puppehkat
Date:March 16th, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC)
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We do not gnow on our kitty!

wait.. yes we do! kitties = chewtoys. Sirus Agrees *snicker*
[User Picture]
From:fiskblack
Date:March 16th, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
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Jessie has exclusive gnaw-rights to this kitty.

Jay Naylor
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From:prismo
Date:March 13th, 2005 08:47 am (UTC)
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When you come down, I shall cook you up a nice heapin' helpin' of Jambalaya, you betcha!

*reads the instructions for Zatarans*

*^,^* Hope to see you soon, wuff! *HUG*
[User Picture]
From:wlfdog
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:53 pm (UTC)
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Yay! *huggles and wags!*
[User Picture]
From:drakearlin
Date:March 13th, 2005 10:34 am (UTC)

Hi ^^

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Hi, the name is Drake. Sorry to just barge in like this but I just felt I had to say something. I'm really glad that things are settling down in your life and a lot more better things are happening for ya. And I hope things work out with you and Jay. From the way your talking it sounds like a pretty good thing. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that you are uncertain of at first, so good luck to you on that. And best wishes. You seem like a great person, and I always say that great people may go through hard times but they always deserve great things. Take care and again sorry for barging in like that, I usualy don't do this, shy like that ^^;
[User Picture]
From:wlfdog
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:54 pm (UTC)

Re: Hi ^^

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Hey, thanks! Feel free to barge in all you'd like. ;) And welcome to my LJ. :)
[User Picture]
From:drakearlin
Date:March 14th, 2005 06:51 am (UTC)

Re: Hi ^^

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Thanks for having me, and the same goes for you as well =)
From:bemanidog
Date:March 13th, 2005 11:15 am (UTC)
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Feeling loved is good. :3
[User Picture]
From:dax_matang
Date:March 13th, 2005 11:48 am (UTC)

Rock on.

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Yay for seven hour long conversations. I've had many of those, and they can be quite informative. Soon the really weird questions will pop up like, "If you could be any pirate, what kind of horse would you ride?" Keep your head up, and what have you. ^_^
[User Picture]
From:redstorm
Date:March 13th, 2005 07:59 pm (UTC)
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Is 2's new beau the same guy who made that Ghost Warrior animation that I have yet to see? ;o)
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From:dax_matang
Date:March 13th, 2005 08:33 pm (UTC)
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Yes he did. It's actually pretty good.
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From:wlfdog
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:56 pm (UTC)
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Yep! The same Tim. :) And I've yet to see it too, honestly. ;)
(Deleted comment)
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From:wlfdog
Date:March 13th, 2005 09:55 pm (UTC)
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Eeee! I love the new Icon! ^^ *wags*
From:delphi_of_clf
Date:March 14th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
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Well it sounds like there's a lot of good things going on in your life ^v^. Always good to hear. Decisions deserve time and thought, and there's nothing wrong with just having a lot of friends while life set's it's course :p. Enjoy things as they come, and just be happy.
[User Picture]
From:wlfdog
Date:March 18th, 2005 04:01 am (UTC)
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Thanks! Oh, and by the way, I've still not had a chance to get your commish started yet, but I'm hoping to get to it before the end of April. Slowly going down the list, but getting there! Thank you for your patience. :}
From:delphi_of_clf
Date:March 20th, 2005 04:09 am (UTC)
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No big deal :>, if there's anything else you need me to send you just let me know. And did I ever forward a copy of that poem I'd wrote or any other reference material? I can't remember anymore._.;
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:wlfdog
Date:March 18th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)

Re: Hey, Jessie...

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*hugshugs* Take your time! No hurry! ^^
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From:lapistigra
Date:March 16th, 2005 04:56 pm (UTC)
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I miss you :)
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From:wlfdog
Date:March 18th, 2005 04:03 am (UTC)
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I miss you toooo!!! *HUGS!* Are you going to be at AC this year? :)
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From:puppehkat
Date:March 16th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
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All I can tell you is that waiting doesn't hurt.

Before Sirus I came out of a really painful relationship. Details can be asked privately if you want to know. But for here, I'll just leave it at the fact that it was a bad relationship. Abusive towards the end. Sirus was there to listen to me. To talk to me. To slap me when I needed it. He was there the entire time I was coming back from the dead zone I'd been in since that relationship ended. And I was afraid of a relationship again. Afraid it'd all happen again. I was afraid of men. But just like you said, there were the 7 hour conversations. There was this deeper knowledge that we had both become dependant on each other to be there and to never leave. And suddenly, one day... I just -had- to say it. I just -had- to tell him. I just -had- to have him and be with him and call him mine and be called his.

Waiting doesn't hurt. Waiting lets us heal. Waiting makes sure it's real. When the day comes, you'll know it. Because when the day really does come, you won't have a choice. You won't be able to resist.
[User Picture]
From:puppehkat
Date:March 16th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
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oh, and btw, im me sometime or something!
[User Picture]
From:wlfdog
Date:March 18th, 2005 04:14 am (UTC)
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Thank you for the kind words!! *wags* Oh, I know all about abusive relationships! O.x In fact, 2 was the one who helped me to get out of one. I really do love him, and look up to him, very much! But I'm very glad that he and I have managed to stay so close, despite the fact that the distance between us made a relationship kind of difficult.

But yeah, taking things slowly with Jay, for now. It's not the distance I mind. It's the fear of weather or not it will last! Getting into a long-distance relationship is not a problem for me, as long as I know that eventually plans are in the works to move to be closer, so that it's not long-distance anymore. 2 and I had a very hard time trying to physically plan a move, as we didn't meet many of the requirements for me to be able to immigrate legally into the U.S. to live with him. :/ If I eventually do make the decision to be with Jay, I want to know that sometime in the future, we actually DO have a chance at physically being able to live together, and stuff.

So, just taking it one day at a time for now, and we'll just see where things lead!

I don't have your AIM name! I need to add it to my list for you to be able to see me as Online. :-P Send it to my e-mail! Wlfdog @ hotmail.com
[User Picture]
From:dream_runner
Date:April 1st, 2005 09:42 am (UTC)
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good luck in whatever you choose
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