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Unwanted Help - Jessie T. Wolf
September 10th, 2004
10:14 pm

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Unwanted Help
My computer’s working again! torrle came over last night, and helped me reformat, and stuff. So my browser’s working again. Yay! ^^ Also had a meeting at work today, and it looks like I’ll be getting my review near the end of September/early October. And Kim finally quit for good this time, so I’ve been told. Apparently I missed a whole huge spat yesterday. O.< So I guess it’s a good thing I offered to take over Sunday mornings last week, since I would have had to anyway, now that Kim is gone. So, I’ll be working seven days a week now, and Sheila’s already talking about giving me more hours. Not quite sure how I feel about that… On one hand it means more money, and that’s always good. On the other hand, it means that I won’t be able to take as much time off, and my friends will get mad at me because I can’t spend as much time with them… :/

Which also got me to thinking today… why is it that sometimes when you try to help a friend, it can backfire on you, and you just end up looking like the bad guy? Maybe it serves me right for trying to help someone when they never really asked for it… I really should learn to just keep my mouth shut. Because any advice I try to give is usually ignored, and then I hear about the same crap later, and it makes me want to scream.

By the way, this post is NOT directed to anyone in specific… I have quite a few friends in situations that I see cause them stress and frustration, and they sometimes come to me with their problems. It makes me sad when I give them suggestions of what they could do to improve their lives, and then they don’t… they keep themselves in situations which hurt them, and all I can do it sit there and watch, not able to do anything or say anything. >.< Then when they come to me later with their problems, I’m blunt, and then suddenly I hear myself, and I sound like an absolute bitch. I can’t help it. If people can’t help themselves, or refuse to, then I can’t be bothered to care about the situation anymore.

But to those of you out there who know me, weather it’s been for years, or only for months, am I a selfish person? Am I really just this evil person who puts on the Nice Girl act? Am I arrogant, and do I flaunt myself openly? Maybe I do sometimes, and just don’t see it. If anyone’s seen this in me, be honest and please let me know.

I don’t think I’m perfect. I can’t say I’ve never lied, (or just avoided the truth anyway) or made any mistakes, because I HAVE made mistakes, and I’ve tried to learn from them so that I don’t repeat them. I try my best to be honest and open with people. True, sometimes I don’t always pick the best ways to do things, but again, I can admit when I’m wrong. But I try to look out for people, weather they’re my friends or not. I try not to hate anyone, I try to see good in everyone and give everyone a fair chance. I try to do the right things, and I stick by the people I care about and hope that they will eventually do what’s right for them as well.

Maybe it’s because everyone is so used to people trying to intentionally hurt others, that no one trusts or believes it when someone is genuinely trying to be helpful or do a good deed JUST for the sake of trying to do good. Maybe I should just stop trying… No one seems to want help anymore anyway.

Current Mood: disappointeddisappointed

(7 comments | Leave a comment)

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From:bemanidog
Date:September 10th, 2004 07:36 pm (UTC)
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*whimpers and hugs*
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From:l337_0n1
Date:September 10th, 2004 07:38 pm (UTC)
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I've known you a relatively short time, but I can see that you try to be a good person. Making the effort to help others is what counts.

I've often tried to help others. Sometimes they listen, and thinsg get better. Sometimes, they ignore what I have to say, and nothing changes. Sometimes, its just the fact that someone listened to them that helps.

The trick is to discern whether or not the person you are trying to help really wants things to improve. Sometimes people will simply try to get sympathy, and pity. They don't really want to change. They are familiar with their miseries. Changing things would mean making things different, and unfamiliar. That frightens many people more than the thought of whatever they might be suffering from at the moment.

Simply try to speak and act from the heart, with the sincere intention of trying to do good. Sometimes that means holding a person's hand and gently rmeinding them they are loved. Other times it may mean you have to give them a smack to in the face. I've always thought a real friend is the person who loves you enough to smack you down when you really need it.

Remember, helping someone improve their lives involves at leats two people. You and the person you are trying to help. Both of you need to work together. Offer help if you feel it is needed, or wanted. if the other person refuses or ignores your aid, then at least you have done your part. We can only offer a helping hand. Whomever we offer it to must accept it on their own.
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From:pat_the_fox
Date:September 10th, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC)
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It happens andI'm sorry if any of your advice goes to waste on me.. I'm just not very good at taking any or acting as I always second guess.
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From:brorjace
Date:September 10th, 2004 11:03 pm (UTC)
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awww, hey I know what it's like to have your opinions/advice backfire and/or be ignored :( I've had it happen many times in the past...and I foresee it happeneing to me in the future many times too...
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From:fairbank_otts
Date:September 11th, 2004 03:25 am (UTC)
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I worked ten days in a row once. I don't reccomend it. It drives you batshit.

Don't worry your little head. You're too pathetic to be arrogant. ;)
From:siliconslywolf
Date:September 11th, 2004 05:02 am (UTC)

Do not stop being nice, no matter what!

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You know Jessie, it seems less and less people today try to be nice just because it makes them feel good when other people don't have to suffer from something. Unfortunately it isn't possible to always help out someone either for multiple reasons. People are not always completely open about all of their problems. You may see only the tip of the iceberg, while under the surface is a massive amount of stress from multiple sources that may be unable to be changed anytime soon, or if at all. I'm sure you remember where I'm coming from there, no, my problems have not been entirely physical either. Now I'm trying to pull myself back together psychologically. Sometimes you might have to find a way to dig deeper into a person's problems to try to help them, but also you don't want to completely piss them off. I remember well some of our past conversations. And at some of my moments of being rather weak, and your remarks, I never thought you were evil or anything like that. You actually can't hold a person's hand all the time. Being more openly honest about myself for once, I believe being a friend of you is a major reason I'm still alive today. I have a few other friends I should thank, just for being a friend, if nothing else. If you think that you were never helpful to me, that's wrong, and I'm sorry if I acted in a manner that made you feel that way. Don't give up, there's an answer, even if not a very good one, for every problem (OK, maybe I've just been watching "Trigun" too much lately....).

Sorry if it seems like I'm suddenly barging in here, and I hope all this doesn't sound too corny. And sorry for sounding hypocritical, I rarely discuss the full extent of myself, and here I am saying you should do this to people.
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From:prismo
Date:September 11th, 2004 06:43 am (UTC)
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*hugs warmly*

Hon, I believe in being a good samaritan. If you know you can help someone whom you consider a friend, and they consider you likewise, make the offer. A true friend may or may not need it, but will appreciate the gesture, because he or she knows WHY you suggested it - you want to help someone you care for.

If they don't accept your help, or get in your face about it, then it never truly was about friendship to them. By trial and error, you will find who your friends are.
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